Punishment?

Sometimes, especially right now, I feel like I'm being punished for something which is why we can't have a child. Am I being punished for not regularly going to church anymore? Is it because I put off having a family so I could finish my education and establish a carer? Is it because of the less than ideal choices I have made in the past? I can't really explain why I feel as if I'm being punished, but from what I understand this is a common feeling related to infertility.

On top of feeling punished I feel like I am only half a woman. Women, by their very nature, are created to be more nuturing and loving and to have children. We endure the misery of AF knowing/hoping that one day it will all pay off by concieving a child. However, that doesn't work out for me. I firmly believe that it is impossible for me to get pregnant.

Last night was terribly rough for me. I had to go pick up my fertility medication yesterday. I was supposed to get both the Provera and Femara. So I arrive at the hospital (where our pharmacy)only to find that the parking lot (which is way too small anyway) is over crowded because of trick-or-treating going on there. Afer finally finding a place to park, I walk in to find that the whole place is crowded with kids in various costumes and their parents. It was like the world was reminding me that I don't and can't have children of my own. Then I get to the pharmacy and find two women right in front of me breatfeeding their tiny babies. Are you kidding me?!? I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Hopefully today will be better! We are looking at doing our next IUI the week of Thanksgiving if everything goes like it should. Praying for my miracle then.