Army Life

Being an army wife is so much harder than I ever imagined, but rewarding at the same time. When Reed and I got married we seemed on the fast track to the American dream. We were both working at the hospital. I had just graduated nursing school and he would be graduating at the end of the year. We both had plans of going on a getting our masters degrees and becoming Nurse Practitioners. We thought we had life all figured out. Then in one moment everything changed. Reed was out of nursing school and no longer working at the hospital. Our life seemed to have fallen apart, we had no idea what was next. One day as Reed was taking me to work he told me that he was going to talk to a recruiter about joining the Army. I was blown away...my husband in the Army? It was never something I had wanted. I loved coming home to him everyday and being together. At first I told Reed no way, he couldn't do it. He said that he was going to meet with the recruiter anyways because he was sure that there was no way he could join because of his age and that he was overweight and out of shape. Well, that night at work (and the next several nights) were slow so I had plenty of time to think. The more I thought about it the more the Army made sense. I know that it had always been a dream of his and it seemed like the best option out of the ones that we talked about. Reed and I spent many hours discussing how this decision would affect us and our family and any children we might have. We finally came to the joint decision that this would be best for our family and he signed a contract for 3 years. It's amazing to me how much that decision, that looks so simple from the outside looking in, has changed our lives. On April 25th of last year I kissed my husband good bye and sent him off to basic training in Georgia. At that point that thought that was hard. During basic he was injured and we got to spend the month of July together. He was a different man at that point. I could see in him a new kind of confidence and pride for making it through the first 9 weeks. In August I shipped him back to Georgia and thought I would be headed out there my self in a few months. Well, I never went to Georgia. Reed didn't have an official graduation from basic. They just sent him out on the FTX with a group and when they got back they pulled him out from the group and shipped him to his first duty station. I was devastated. Now my husband was living in Alaska and I was still in Texas...we had an entire country separating us. Plus we had no idea when I would get to join him. It was awful. He arrived in Fairbanks, Alaska at the end of September, and I joined him the first of December. I would not recommend anyone to move from Texas to Alaska in December. It was awful. The day I left Texas it was like 87 and when I got to Fairbanks it was -12. Talk about shock! The first month in Alaska was rough experience. To say it took some getting used to is putting it lightly. However, I have adapted and now I love it here. On April 25th of this year I kissed my husband good bye again, this time sending him off to Afghanistan. That I have to say is honestly the hardest thing I have ever done. I told myself to hold it together for him, but inside I was falling apart. I just wanted 5 more minutes. As I watched him walk away, I kept praying for his commanders to change their mind and give them 5 more minutes. Had I showed him how much he meant to me? Did he know how proud of him I was and how much I loved him? What if I never saw him again? All these thoughts and more were flying around in my head and my heart was heavy. Here we go again...another year apart. As the time for his deployment had drawn nearer and nearer I went though the grieving process actually. I was so angry with him for doing this to our family. We fought almost constantly for about a month it seems. I wondered if our marriage could survive this and how other people had done it. Then I got depressed. I would just start crying about the dumbest little things. How was I gong to survive a year without my husband in Alaska of all places. Finally I accepted that he was going. It wasn't like he wanted to deploy but it was what he was ordered to do and it was what was best for his career. I know that millions of wives have done this before me and millions would do it after me. Reed had accepted his deployment a lot sooner than I did. I guess I didn't really accept it until about a week or so before he left. It was then that I had a comforting peace come over me and I knew that Reed would be ok and our marriage would survive this. I would like to say that it has all been peaches and cream since then, but it hasn't. I've had the normal Army wife nightmares and fears. Reed and I have had to learn what this separation means as far as our relationship goes, which has been tricky. We have had our "discussions," but thankfully we both seem to try to be understanding of the other. Being apart for the majority of the last two years and more apart than together so far in our marriage has definitely helped teach me about myself . I have learned that I am a much stronger person that I ever thought. I never thought I would be able to handle to stresses that come with deployment as well as I have so far. Yes I have had my moments when I have not handled everything that great, but overall I'm doing much better than I thought I would. I miss my husband terribly but I'm not letting that keep me from living my life. I have also learned that you can be 100% committed to a relationship and still be independent. Now I'm not saying that I don't include Reed in things cause I do.What I'm saying is that I don't need him here to function. I love having him here, and we have so much fun together, but I'm not going to put my life on hold because he isn't here. I have to say too that I love the Army family. While I have not met many other wives the ones that I have met are amazing. I have seen how we all band together when bad news comes. I know first hand  that if you ever need someone all you have to do is pick up the phone and call a fellow Army wife. We are there for each other all the time. It is comforting because try as they might people who are not in the Army/have not experienced Army life first hand don't get it. They don't understand what's going on. They try, but this life is something you have to live to understand. I don't mean to offend anyone and I apologize if I do. I want to say thanks to my sister, Heather, Desiree, Toria and Julie for being there for me. You five know what this means and have helped me through so much! Sorry for the lengthy post, it's just that Memorial Day got me thinking. I can't imagine my life any different than it is now. I want to say thanks to Omar for helping me and being there for me so many times in the last year and a half. I miss being able to ask you my questions! When Reed joined the Army, Memorial Day became much more than just a long weekend and a great reason to BBQ. This year he is over in Afghanistan fighting with his buddies (who have become like brothers to him) to maintain the freedom that we enjoy everyday. I had heard that your battle buddies become like family to you but I never realized how true that was. His platoon buddies are his brothers in every sense of the word. Please remember them not only today but every other day of the year. Pray that they stay safe and return home to Alaska in a year!

Insomnia

Tuesday marks 3 weeks since Reed left. I have thoroughly cleaned the entire house. It feels so nice coming home to a clean house, but I sure to miss him. I have never had a problem sleeping....until Reed left for basic that is. When he first left last year I had a small bout of insomnia, but after about a week or so it went away. Well, now the insomnia is back. My body feels tired, but my mind won't let me sleep. I thought insomnia was bad in Lubbock, but it is so much worse here in Alaska. At least in Lubbock it would dark, which seemed to help some, but here is a totally different story. It's almost midnight here and still bright outside. I'm hoping that this bout of insomnia goes away quickly and that I will soon be back into a more normal sleeping pattern without Reed here. I did it before and I know I can do it again....just hopefully it will happen soon! Other than the sleeping issue things have been pretty good since he left. I can't believe it's already been 3 weeks. At times it feels like we just said goodbye a couple days ago, but there are other times when it feels like he has been gone forever. I have gotten a lot of things accomplished around the house in these last three weeks. I was able to talk with Reed this morning. He is doing good; says that they are keeping him very busy over there, but he's doing good.