October 23, 2013
Entering the Operating Room
I spent the first half of my career as a RN taking care of people after surgery in the hospital and the second half of my career taking care of them in the physician office before and after surgery. However today I finally got to help take care of my patients IN the operating room! The surgeon that I work with is just out of residency and not jaded to the world of surgery and has wanted me to come into the operating room with her since her first OR day basically. This finally happened today. It was AMAZING!! I love everything about it. We did a total of 3 surgeries today and after the first one I relaxed and really enjoyed it all. My surgeon and our OR staff were amazing and not intimidating at all which totally helped!! I can't wait to go back!!
October 15, 2013
3 types of pregnant women
I have come to the conclusion that there are three basic types of pregnant women. The first are the ones who are fertile myrtles and have no idea what it is like to struggle to have a baby. They have no understanding or respect really for the feelings of an infertile woman. The second type are the ones who don't necessarily have a hard time getting pregnant, but do have to try a bit harder than the type one women and are more understanding of infertile women. Then there are the ones who struggle for years to conceive. They understand the pain that each pregnancy announcement and "baby bump" picture brings. Unfortunately I will be like the type three women once, if ever, I am finally able to conceive.
The majority of my "friends" are type one. They are pregnant almost as soon as they start to try to have a baby. I don't really think of them as real friends because they only talk to me when they need something or want to vent their frustrations/misery to someone. They don't know if something is safe during pregnancy and they don't trust their doctor (which is another story all together); they have no problem coming to me because I'm a nurse so I must know. They also think that there is nothing wrong with coming to me to complain about their pregnancy symptoms (i.e. how much their boobs hurts or how sick they are or how much weight they have gained) and how overbearing their husbands are. Plus don't think when they talk about how much caffeine they have because they are "so tired." Are you kidding me?!? Do you know how bad caffeine is for the baby?!? I'm sure that they don't mean to cause pain, but if all you ever talk about is your pregnancy/baby it hurts. I'm sure other women who have struggled or are struggling with infertility will understand.
Then there are the women who have had to actually try to get pregnant. While they don't have the diagnosis of infertility, it does take them several months to get pregnant. These women are more understanding of what it feels like to not be able to conceive right away. They, on average, are more likely to make healthy options for themselves and the baby. They take the nausea and fatigue in stride and just accept that it is part of growing a human inside of you. You rarely hear them complain about their pregnancy and when you do it's cause for concern because it really is something wrong. They do lots of research on their own about what is best for the baby and what is not. When you talk to them not everything revolves around them and their pregnancy. You talk about the latest news, the crazy weather in Alaska, your dog, their daughter, both of your husband’s jobs, anything and everything and you feel like they truly care about you as a person! They know that they can come to you to ask questions related to their pregnancy and you will gladly help them. However, they also take the time to ask how you are doing, how the whole infertility thing is going and tell you that if it gets too much for you to let them know. I'm so lucky that my neighbor, Crystal, is this way! Unfortunately they are scheduled to move in April and I will miss chatting outside while the kids and dog play.
Finally there are the women who have struggled and beat infertility. Ok, so maybe beat isn't the right word but it's the best I could think of. These women totally get it. They know how much of a miracle a pregnancy and baby are and are so thankful to be where they are. I used to work in an OB/Gyn clinic and we had a patient who found out she was pregnant in our office and immediately broke down. Turns out she and her husband had been trying for 8 years to have a child of their own and had finally just given up. At her first appointment with the OB provider she told us that not only was she really nauseated at the time, but that she got so violently ill one night that she ruptured a blood vessel on her temple. However, she didn't complain. She just smiled and said that it didn't matter because she was so thankful to have this baby. She was a huge sore of hope and inspiration to me personally. She is coming up on her due date soon and I'm sad that I no longer work there so I won't get to see her baby.
The majority of my "friends" are type one. They are pregnant almost as soon as they start to try to have a baby. I don't really think of them as real friends because they only talk to me when they need something or want to vent their frustrations/misery to someone. They don't know if something is safe during pregnancy and they don't trust their doctor (which is another story all together); they have no problem coming to me because I'm a nurse so I must know. They also think that there is nothing wrong with coming to me to complain about their pregnancy symptoms (i.e. how much their boobs hurts or how sick they are or how much weight they have gained) and how overbearing their husbands are. Plus don't think when they talk about how much caffeine they have because they are "so tired." Are you kidding me?!? Do you know how bad caffeine is for the baby?!? I'm sure that they don't mean to cause pain, but if all you ever talk about is your pregnancy/baby it hurts. I'm sure other women who have struggled or are struggling with infertility will understand.
Then there are the women who have had to actually try to get pregnant. While they don't have the diagnosis of infertility, it does take them several months to get pregnant. These women are more understanding of what it feels like to not be able to conceive right away. They, on average, are more likely to make healthy options for themselves and the baby. They take the nausea and fatigue in stride and just accept that it is part of growing a human inside of you. You rarely hear them complain about their pregnancy and when you do it's cause for concern because it really is something wrong. They do lots of research on their own about what is best for the baby and what is not. When you talk to them not everything revolves around them and their pregnancy. You talk about the latest news, the crazy weather in Alaska, your dog, their daughter, both of your husband’s jobs, anything and everything and you feel like they truly care about you as a person! They know that they can come to you to ask questions related to their pregnancy and you will gladly help them. However, they also take the time to ask how you are doing, how the whole infertility thing is going and tell you that if it gets too much for you to let them know. I'm so lucky that my neighbor, Crystal, is this way! Unfortunately they are scheduled to move in April and I will miss chatting outside while the kids and dog play.
Finally there are the women who have struggled and beat infertility. Ok, so maybe beat isn't the right word but it's the best I could think of. These women totally get it. They know how much of a miracle a pregnancy and baby are and are so thankful to be where they are. I used to work in an OB/Gyn clinic and we had a patient who found out she was pregnant in our office and immediately broke down. Turns out she and her husband had been trying for 8 years to have a child of their own and had finally just given up. At her first appointment with the OB provider she told us that not only was she really nauseated at the time, but that she got so violently ill one night that she ruptured a blood vessel on her temple. However, she didn't complain. She just smiled and said that it didn't matter because she was so thankful to have this baby. She was a huge sore of hope and inspiration to me personally. She is coming up on her due date soon and I'm sad that I no longer work there so I won't get to see her baby.
October 9, 2013
Follow up Appointment
Today was my follow up appointment with my doctor after the HSG and pelvic ultrasound. She said that everything looked normal so we are going to proceed with the plan of Femara on days 3-7 and then a follicle scan on cd12. I asked her about this cycle and the chance that I haven't ovulated and she kinda blew me off which is terribly frustrating. I asked if maybe because I drink too much water that my urine is too diluted to give a positive result. She basically interrupted me and said that wouldn't matter. The nurse, who actually listened, seemed to agree with my theory. Anyways, she didn't want to do any lab work this time to see if I actually ovulated on my own, instead she wants to wait and have me call her on cd45 if I don't start. Ugh!!! I just want to scream! Why make me wait when we know that I haven't ovulated on my own recently! Then to make things worse, she told us that she doesn't do IUI's on the weekends or holidays when the clinic staff is closed. Basically if there is no nursing staff she won't do it! My last doctor would come in on the weekends or whatever because it's not like I can control when my body decides to ovulate. I just want to slam my head against the wall over and over again with frustration. Why must everything be do freaking hard?!? Why do I feel like I have to jump through freaking hoops just to have a child? My efforts to remain optimistic and positive about this whole things have fallen flat and I'm a "doubting Thomas" again! Why does everything seem to come so easily to everyone around me, but I have to struggle for everything!
In other news all of my supplements have come in! I'm excited to try those and see if they work and if I start feeling more like my old self (pre-Clomid) again. Here's the supplements I'm taking: Fish Oil, Co-Q 10, Cholesterol Balance (on top of fertility we have discovered my cholesterol is slightly elevated and my liver is "fatty"), Vitamin B-12, N-Acetyl Cysteine, Fertility Blend, Vitamin D, and Prenatal Vitamins. I feel like a crazy old lady with all my pills, but I firmly believe in supplements, especially for DHA & EPA (found in the fish oil) because I can't stand fish most of the time. I chose these supplements based on a very helpful book,Be Fruitful by Dr Victoria Maizes. One of the OB-Gyn's recommended this book because she is friends with Dr Maize and really respects her insight on infertility. Dr Maize is a very well known integrative medicine physician in Arizona and while she recognizes the importance of and need for Western medicine, she also knows that eastern medicine is also very effective. I figure that nothing else has worked, so why not try it. It won't hurt anything and there is strong evidence of these supplements helping women conceive.
On top of starting new supplements to help conceive I'm also back on the wagon so to speak in regards to exercise. I'm so tired of being overweight and uncomfortable in my skin. I look at myself in the mirror every day with disgust with what I have let become of my body. My husband is all about me being healthier because if I'm healthier he will be too. So he has committed to helping me get up every morning when he gets up for PT, which is normally around 0515, so that I can do my own exercises. Today was brutal because it was the first day and I didn't sleep well last night at all, but I'm determined to do it so hopefully it'll get easier one day.
In other news all of my supplements have come in! I'm excited to try those and see if they work and if I start feeling more like my old self (pre-Clomid) again. Here's the supplements I'm taking: Fish Oil, Co-Q 10, Cholesterol Balance (on top of fertility we have discovered my cholesterol is slightly elevated and my liver is "fatty"), Vitamin B-12, N-Acetyl Cysteine, Fertility Blend, Vitamin D, and Prenatal Vitamins. I feel like a crazy old lady with all my pills, but I firmly believe in supplements, especially for DHA & EPA (found in the fish oil) because I can't stand fish most of the time. I chose these supplements based on a very helpful book,Be Fruitful by Dr Victoria Maizes. One of the OB-Gyn's recommended this book because she is friends with Dr Maize and really respects her insight on infertility. Dr Maize is a very well known integrative medicine physician in Arizona and while she recognizes the importance of and need for Western medicine, she also knows that eastern medicine is also very effective. I figure that nothing else has worked, so why not try it. It won't hurt anything and there is strong evidence of these supplements helping women conceive.
On top of starting new supplements to help conceive I'm also back on the wagon so to speak in regards to exercise. I'm so tired of being overweight and uncomfortable in my skin. I look at myself in the mirror every day with disgust with what I have let become of my body. My husband is all about me being healthier because if I'm healthier he will be too. So he has committed to helping me get up every morning when he gets up for PT, which is normally around 0515, so that I can do my own exercises. Today was brutal because it was the first day and I didn't sleep well last night at all, but I'm determined to do it so hopefully it'll get easier one day.
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