Tired & Angry

For the last two days I've been very angry. I'm so sick of not being able to be a mom. I was there for one of my friends while she miscarried last week, and am currently helping another one deal with a possible miscarriage. However, are they there for me? Hell no!I'm tired of being used! I'm tired of people running to me with all their pregnancy questions because I'm a nurse and know a lot due to my tireless research because of our infertility. It's totally different if they are there to support me as well. My neighbor is amazing like that! She talks to me about her pregnancies and concerns and I help her through them, then she asks me how our treatments are going and what the next step is and such. She is totally supportive of me. I don't know how to get over my anger. I can't block myself off from everyone, that's not healthy. However, it also isn't healthy to hold in my anger.

Another thing fueling my anger is my husband's lack of boundaries. One of his soldiers spends more time at our house than anywhere else. In the last 10 days, my husband and I have had 1 evening to ourselves, the other 9 this guy was there. Don't get me wrong he's a nice guy and helps out around the house a lot, but I feel like 9 nights out of 10 is a bit much for anyone.

On top of that AF finally decided to make her appearance on Saturday. Unfortunately, based on my stupid doctor's rule of not doing anything on weekends or holidays we won't get to do an IUI this month. I was so upset when AF showed up because I knew that was going to happen. I went ahead and called to schedule my day 12 ultrasound, but surprise, surprise, she is totally booked that day. I'm afraid she won't even do it since there is no chance for an IUI. If that's the case then I'm going to see if one of the doctors I used to work with would do a scan for me to see if anything is growing. I know that they can't do the IUI, but I would like to know if my follicles are even responding since this will be the first cycle with this medication.