Who knew milk could be so bad?!?

I've known for a while now that Kenzie was a Milk Soy Protein Intolerance (MSPI) baby. I've adapted my diet to eliminate all sources of milk and soy. It is quite possibly one of the more challenging things I've had to do. I thought I was being so careful, but I do admit that I have been a little less OCD about checking ingredient labels recently. That's when my first major panic moment as a mom happened. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving I change Kenz's diaper and find two large drops of blood in there. I panicked! As a nurse I know that blood does not come from intestines and into stool unless something is wrong. I instantly looked closely for hemorrhoids (I knew the chance of that at her age was minimal, but still) and fissures. I didn't think she had either really because she's not ever had a problem with constipation. I called her doctor and we met with him the following afternoon. He said that the two most common causes of blood in stools in babies is a fissure or allergy. We both looked and didn't see any fissures so that left us with the allergy. He gave me samples of a special milk-free, soy-free formula and told me to try that exclusively if the blood continued or worsened. The blood seemed to have gone away Wednesday aside from little specs which she has had for a while. However, Thursday mid-morning the blood returned and we made the decision to switch her to the Nutramigen. We had her on only formula for 40 hours and she had even more blood in her stool so back to the doctor we went. Unfortunately, it was a Saturday and her regular pediatrician wasn't working so we were stuck seeing a nurse pracitioner in the same department. She was nice enough but talked to me like I didn't know what I was doing. She decided that Kenz had several fissures that was where the blood was coming from. She suggested that we go back to breastfeeding since Kenz liked it better and ultimately that's what we wanted for her. I didn't feel great about this option, but she hated the formula and had been so cranky since we switched. As soon as I started nursing her she just melted into me. She had a couple bouts of blood in her stool since, but as of last Wednesday there was no blood! I'm so relieved. It was so frustrating seeing blood in her poo and everyone telling me not to worry about it while everything in my gut told me something was right.

That being said I have also wondered if she has a sensitivity to almonds. When I first got the idea of the milk intolerance I switched to using almond milk, but found that she still had lots of watery, mucousy stool. I then switched to rice milk for everything. Since I finally got her poo back to looking normal this weekend, I decided to try almond milk again and see if she still had problems. I got a carton of vanilla almond milk (my favorite) and had some Saturday morning, and by Saturday evening the blood had returned. I then stopped the almond milk and the blood and mucous went away. I talked to her doctor about it when we came in the first time for the blood and he told me he didn't think it was a problem because it was so rare. However, based on the appearance of blood I think she does have an intolerance. I'm hoping that it is something that will outgrow like they think she will with the milk intolerance.

The Evil of Dairy and Soy

Two things that I truly love in life are chocolate and cheese. Unfortunately both of those foods have dairy in them. Here's the story to why that's important

Starting at about 5 weeks of age I noticed that Kenzie was increasingly fussy (despite taking Zantac for her reflux), spitting up more and her poop consistency had changed. When I took her into her appointment at 20 days I explained her "fussiness" to her doctor and he told me at that time he thought it was reflux, and to start her on Zantac and see how she does. She was still having "normal" breastfed baby poop with no blood or mucous in it. I gave her the Zantac religiously and never really noticed any changes. She was becoming more and more fussy so, in desperation, I took her back to the doctor. He said that since she had gained weight her Zantac was no longer a therapeutic dose and increased it. He said that if I noticed blood in her poop or this didn't work we needed to consider food sensitivities/allergies. I went home and continued to give her the Zantac, but never really saw a change for the better. Instead, she seemed to get more fussy, and her poop went from a little mucous to mostly mucous and diarrhea. Off to the internet I went, googling like a mad woman. I discovered something called a milk soy protein intolerance. Kenzie had every symptom except weight loss. I decided 3 weeks ago to eliminate all soy and dairy from my diet. Unfortunately it takes anywhere from 10 days - 3 weeks for it all to be our of my system, but after a week I started to notice a difference. She was becoming the happy baby that she was at first. Then I decided to experiment and allowed myself some cheese. That afternoon the diarrhea and fussy attitude returned. That sealed the deal for me.

Being a new mom is hard enough, but adding the strict diet changes has made it feel almost impossible at times. I now read labels like  you wouldn't believe. Reed and I are shocked by how many things have soy in them. We have started to get more creative with our meals, but as an added bonus is that since so many things have soy and/or dairy in them we have been forced to have a very healthy diet. Sure there are many things that would taste better if we had some cheese with it, but it's not worth it for me.

I am seriously amazed by how much changing my diet effected my baby girl. She went for almost a month where she was never happy. She was literally screaming 90% of the time that she was awake. Now, she's full of smiles and seems close to laughing/giggling. Sure she still has her fussy moments, but overall she's much better. I even have taken her off the Zantac and she seems to be doing great without it. It's so nice not having to give my baby medicine even though she took her medicine like a champ.

Here's our beautiful, happy baby girl at almost 11 weeks old.

2 months

I can't believe that little miss Kenzie had her 2 month birthday on Sunday! Where has the time gone? Unfortunately I have to go back to work in a month and am starting to get some anxiety about that. Initially I wanted to have her in a licensed daycare facility. I had put her on the waiting list on post when I was approximately 10 weeks pregnant. I would have to call every month and let them know that we still needed daycare for her and every month they would tell me that we wouldn't have a problem. That's until I called in August. When I called the week before Kenz was born they informed me that the secondary center they were counting on opening in August wasn't going to open and we were looking at a 6 month minimum wait. I asked what number she was on the wait list and they told me that they didn't know but that there were 147 infants on the waiting list. Are you kidding me?!? So they gave me the number for the childcare referral center who gave the info on about 30 licensed daycares and group home facilities. Of those 30, 2 didn't answer or call me back after leaving a message, 6 had hours that wouldn't work with our work schedules, and 20 were not accepting any child under 30 months. We went and visited one of the two that were accepting babies and I was less than impressed. She charged $820 or so per month and expected us to pay the full monthly amount from the time we turned in the paperwork for Kenz to go to her. That mean that for 12 weeks plus however long I had until I delivered (which ended up only being a week) we would be paying her to do absolutely nothing. I couldn't believe that she expected us to pay her over $2400 just to hold a spot for our daughter. There were several things I didn't like about her, but that was the biggest one. The other place I had set up an appointment to meet with her the next Wednesday, but turned out that little miss was born on Tuesday and we needed to reschedule since we both wanted to be there. I called her twice, once while I was in the hospital room waiting to go to the OR and the next time right before we were discharged and she never called me back. I was really starting to panic. What was I going to do? We need my income, but I couldn't take her with me to work and no one was taking babies. Then I saw a post on one of the many pages for the military spouses/families in the area about a woman who has 5 kids and is wanting to start doing some childcare because her children are in school. Despite it not being what I wanted I was desperate and contacted her. We went and met with her and it turned out great. She is such a sweet woman and is super flexible with our schedules. She totally understands the military life and that when Reed has 3 and 4 day weekends and block leave little miss will stay home with him. The other lady didn't get that. I'm very comfortable with where she'll be while I'm at work, but it's causing me tons of anxiety. She is technically 9 weeks old today and I have not been away from her for more than an hour since she was born.

I knew that motherhood was going to be challenging, but this is way more than I expected. Little miss isn't what I would call an easy baby. She is very fussy and wants to be held at all times. We were told that she had acid reflux at 3 weeks and she was started on medication for that. I hated the idea of giving my baby medication, but was desperate for something that might help ease her fussiness. It helps a little, but not much. After doing some research on the ever handy internet and watching her reactions to what I was eating I discovered that she may have a problem with milk & dairy. I clearly remember having something very cheesy for dinner one night and after nursing the next morning she had bad diarrhea for about 2 hours. I know 2 hours doesn't seem like much, but for a little baby that's a lot of poop and a lot of fluid to loose. Thankfully it stopped and she didn't show any signs of dehydration. I have since cut out dairy and upon further ready discovered that if your baby has a problem with milk/dairy then you should cut out soy as well. I have cut out both, but it has definitely been a challenge. I have never read food labels as much as I do now. I'm actually shocked at the amount of foods that have soy in them. While it's an added bonus that we are having to eat very healthy and almost no processed foods it's also challenging because there isn't much that I can grab and make one handed. I feel like I'm constantly hungry with no real snacks I can grab. I know that I'll figure things out slowly, but I can tell you that I'm craving pizza and chocolate like crazy. You never know how much you truly enjoy something until you can't have it. While the diet changes are proving to be very challenging one look at my daughter I know that it's so very worth it. I'm hoping that once all the milk and soy proteins are out of my system (which could take anywhere from 10 days to 3 weeks) that she will go back to being the happy baby that she was for the first 3 weeks.

At the suggestion of her doctor today we have also started self soothing with her. I was telling him how every night now we give her a bath and then I feed her and she falls asleep. Due to her reflux I normally hold her for another 20-30 minutes and then put her to bed. She used to stay asleep when I put her to bed, but now she's waking up almost immediately after I put her down. He said that's normal and that the sooner we teach her to self soothe and put herself to sleep in her bed the better life will be for all 3 of us. Tonight was our first night and it has been pure hell so far. As of right now it's 1:15 am and I have yet to be asleep. She has finally stopped screaming/crying, but I'm pretty sure she's still awake. I'm hoping that she goes to sleep soon so I can go to sleep. I'm also hoping that she will sleep a good 4-5 hours so that I can get enough sleep to be able to make it through the day. We shall see though.

I meant to put a picture of her in my last post, but due to internet problems and not being able to use my own computer I wasn't able to. Here's a picture of her from today.

The day my life was forever changed

Started around 35 weeks I began having problems with my blood pressure being too high. At my 35 week appointment my OB ordered all the pre-eclampsia labs, including a 24 hr urine, and decided that we would do twice weekly NSTs to make sure little miss wasn't in distress from my high blood pressure and then weekly appointments for me. He also told me that it felt like she had flipped and was no longer breech. She still felt the same to me, but he was certain that he felt her head down low and her feet up high. That was a huge relief to me because I really didn't want to have a C-section and knew that the chances of her flipping after 35 weeks were slim.

She did great for every NST, had great variability and excellent movement. However, I didn't do so great at my appointments. At my 36 week appointment and the NST that week my blood pressure had dropped back down to normal it appeared that I wouldn't have to be induced after all. I was so excited that I would get to let her decide when she was ready to come and be able to experience a "normal" labor since we didn't have a normal conception. That all changed at my 37 week appointment. As usual her NST looked great, I was the problem. My blood pressure had shot up and despite taking it multiple times and letting me sit and rest for a while between each time it stayed around 150/92. While that doesn't seem too bad it's insanely high given that I was on heart medication for help keep my rate down and it also lowers blood pressure; both my OB and I were worried about how high my blood pressure would have been if I wasn't on the medications. He decided it would be best for me to have daily blood pressure checks and repeat all the pre-e labs (except the 24 hr urine). He was certain that I would not remain pregnant for my appointment next week, depending on how the labs came back I wasn't even going to get to stay pregnant that night. That afternoon I met him in the hall and he told me that I did get to stay pregnant that night and since he was doing an ultrasound to check position for a co-worker of mine he would do an ultrasound on me to make sure that she had indeed flipped. Well, jokes on him, she was still breech. We had a good laugh about that (since nothing else seemed to be going right that day) and then had a serious discussion about my options at this point. I basically had 3 options, I could see an acupuncturist to try moxy to get her to turn, we could schedule and external version to try to make her flip or we could schedule a section. I was completely devastated. First my body seemed to be failing my daughter by forcing her to come early. Secondly a section was still a very real possibility for me.

I scheduled an appointment for the next afternoon with the acupuncturist that I had seen last summer with the hope that it would work and I would still at least be allowed to labor and have a vaginal (or as most people refer to it a normal delivery). I had a strong feeling that I wouldn't get to stay pregnant tomorrow night so as soon as I got home from work I finished up the cleaning that I didn't get done the day before and made sure that both her bag and my bag for the hospital were packed.

The next morning I tried to stay as relaxed as possible. I knew my blood pressure was bad though. I had a terrible headache that was very similar to the migraines I used to get and had a really bad disconnected feeling. We checked my blood pressure and it was slightly high than it was the day before. My manager, bless her, tried having me rest and distract myself to see if it would come down, but nothing worked. It was time for a sit down with my OB in his office and make a plan. He didn't like the risks for both me and her of staying pregnant any longer. My options were attempt an external version and then induction or a section. I sat in his office in tears. I was scared for my baby and her health. I was upset at my body for forcing me to deliver her early. I was scared of the options. So I called my husband to discuss the options. After much discussion and some tears we decided that a C-section was the best option for us. So we walked down the hall and sat in my OB's office at noon on 8/5/14 and told him that we had decided to go for the section. The risks associated with an external version combined with the fact that it might not even work and we would still have to do a section were what pushed us to decide on the section to start with. My OB agreed with our choice and said that is what he would recommend and set me up for the section at 3:30 that afternoon. I had an hour and a half to get everything prepared for my leave at work and head to the hospital to check in, plus call our families and let them know. My husband also had to go back to work and wait until his chain of command was back from lunch (at 1:30) to let them know that I would be having the baby that day and get his paternity leave all squared away. Finally at 3:45 my nurse came and walked me down to the OR. The anesthesiologist who did my spinal was amazing and before I knew it they were calling my husband back into the room and the blue drape was going up in front of my face. The best part of my OB is that I knew and worked closely with him and the OB he had assisting him. They talked me through everything which I'm sure they do for everyone, but we also laughed and joked. He had a hard time getting her out because she was breech. As he was pulling her cute little booty out she pooped all over his hand, everyone in the OR had a good laugh at that. He also said that she came out with her hand in her mouth. She still gets mad if she isn't able to have her hands free and near her face now. At 4:18 on August 5, 2014, our precious daughter was born! She had a bit of a problem regulating her breathing for the first minute or two so they gave her oxygen via a mask, but she quickly figured out how to do it on her own. Before I knew it she was swaddled in blankets and laid on my chest. Reed and I held her and were totally in awe that she was here and ours. She was absolutely perfect!

We stayed in the hospital for 4 days. The first couple of days they were worried about jaundice with her but her bili levels never got high enough to need the bili lights. My blood pressure stayed up as well as my heart rate. Although the numbers were the same as before she was born my blood pressure and heart rate were actually better than before she was born because I was taken off the medication to lower it. However, I did ask him to put me back on it after two days because the palpitations were coming back.

I can't believe that was almost 3 weeks ago! My baby girl is 2 weeks old and still absolutely perfect!

34 weeks

I can't belive I've made it to 34 weeks! Our little lady will be here next month! This is all getting very overwhelming for me. I've had to stop avoiding thinking about labor and delivery,start planning on getting the hospital bag together, and it's really setting in now how drastically our lives are about to change. No more staying up late watching movies or a tv show marathon and sleeping in the next day. No more waiting until the last possible minute to get up and get ready for work. No more spur of the moment trips on the weekend that involve minimal to no planning. I know that it's all going to be worth it, but it's still overwhelming and scary. Last night I starting thinking about tummy time, introducing solid foods, reading to her, vaccines, doctors appointments, and such and wondering how I will know when the right time for everything is and such.

Another thing that is really weighing on me more and more now is the fact that our little lady is still breech. She stays on my right side, and in the mornings she is more transverse, but as the day goes on she keeps her head in my ribs. I can barely bend over while sitting now because of how she's positioned. My boss really wants me to do different stretches/exercises to try to make her flip, but honestly I'm scared. There is just one little cord that's floating around with her and keeping her alive. If I were to do something to try to make her flip and something happens to her cord she could be in serious trouble. Thanks to my trip to the hospital several weeks ago I know that she already has decels (and my understanding was that they are fairly regular), which is scary enough. I keep telling my boss that I'm not going to worry about it because she still has a month to flip and that my OB isn't worried about her being breech until 37 weeks. He said at that point we will do an ultrasound to check her position and then consider trying an external version. I was totally fine with that...until recently anyways. Upon further researching it I've found that is actually fairly risky because her cord could be wrapped around her. Goodness! Now I don't know what to do! I'm just hoping and praying that as we get closer she will turn on her own. However, how likely is that? I've read many places that sometimes there are birth defects or just the baby anatomy that don't allow her to flip (a large head for example). Then I start to think about what happens if she doesn't flip...c-section. Although my only real desire is to have a safe and healthy baby the thought of a c-section scares me. I trust my doctor and know that he would do a fine job if that is what's requited, but just having to have surgery is scary. What are her chances of having hip dysplasia? I've read that many breech babies do simply because of the position they were in while in the womb. When I worked in ortho several years ago we took care of a baby with hip dyplasia and while I know it's definitely not a permanent thing and know how the treatment goes it's still something that scares me. Is this what being a mom is all about? Constantly being filled with worry over your child?

Pictures

As the title says, this is all about pictures of our little lady. Technology is so amazing! We got to see our daughters face for the first time yesterday. Although she was stubborn and kept her feet and legs in front of her face the whole time so we only get to see half her face, it was amazing! I can only imagine how it's going to feel when she is actually in my arms. I brought one of the pictures to work to put on my desk and I honestly can't stop looking at her. I'm so amazed that she is ours and happy and health. Everyone tells me she's happy because her heart rate is always perfect. We even got to watch her practice breathing yesterday which the tech told us means that she is really happy and comfy. Life really is a miracle.

Here is a picture of her little face. Can you believe those little cheeks?

Her perfect little foot with five tiny toes!

We discovered that she is quite flexible. This shows that she was laying with her feet over her head, and she stayed like that the whole time.

29 Weeks

I can't believe that today I'm 29 weeks pregnant with out daughter! I dreamed of this for so long and finally it's reality. Most days I wake up and still am in awe that I'm finally pregnant and that, so far, we have been blessed with a healthy baby and fairly healthy pregnancy. Today we are doing a 3D/4D ultrasound of our baby girl and I'm so excited to see her! I'm really hoping that she cooperates and we get good pictures of our little lady. Reality of everything is really starting to hit me. In less than 3 months she will most likely be here with us and our lives will have changed forever. We are gradually getting things for her. Right now I think we have all the essentials for the first couple of weeks, but who knows.

I feel it's time to "let the cat out of the bag" so to speak about our other big news. After Reed was injured in April we came to the quick realization that his career in the Army was over and that it was time to think about where we wanted to settle down and raise our soon to be expanding family. After many hours of discussion and weighing the pros and cons we have decided to stay here. We both love Interior Alaska despite the cold and dark winters. We love the pace of life up here, the people and I have a great job. That being said we decided to purchase a house that way we can use the BAH from the Army to pay the mortgage and then we'll have a place when he gets out next year. We started the process Mother's Day weekend and didn't expect to find anything for a while. I actually didn't want to move until after our little lady arrived. However, we ended up finding a house that fit almost 100% of our wants that next week and that weekend we put in an offer for that house. Right now we are in contract on the house and are waiting on a couple of pieces of paper to come in for the final approval of our mortgage. If all goes as planned we will be moving into our new house in 3 weeks! I can't believe that at 31 weeks pregnant we are going to be moving. The house will be the perfect place for our little girl to grow up and our dogs to run and play.