Random Thoughts...

Recently Reed and I have had some amazing discussions and the recent news stories have sparked something in my mind and I must get out what's inside. I don't care if anyone reads it, I just have to get it out.

Lets start with Muslims and people of Arab descent. Right now my husband is over fighting a war and risking his life because of the actions of a group of radical Muslims. We have had many discussions recently about how people treat Muslims and Arabs in this country. It's awful. Just because of a group of radicals Americans have decided that all Middle Easterners are bad people and don't deserve to live. I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say that we need to just bring all the soldiers home and nuke both countries. How naive is that? First of all , not everyone over there is bad. Saying that all Middle-Easterners are bad because of this group of people is like saying that all Americans are bad because of one of the many gangs or saying all Christians are bad because of Westboro Baptist Church. Secondly, nuking those countries are not going to get rid of the evil we are fighting. In fact many believe that the radical groups have moved out of the two countries that we are currently fighting in. Plus killing evil with evil will never solve anything. We have seen this over and over again in the history of the world. Also, do we so easily forget the other evils of the world, like the shoe bomber. He was from England and was African American; he was a radical Muslim and didn't fit the "typical profile." Does that mean that we now have to hate anyone that's not "American" and who isn't white? Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than to have my husband and all the other soldiers home. I have felt the pain the worse causes, the sadness of losing a close friend to the war and the fear of someone knocking on the door to tell me I'm now a widow. Last I checked America was a place where people were welcomed and allowed a freedom of religion. As long as they are not breaking any of the laws of the country I don't see what the problem is.

My next thoughts center around the video that was released this week of the Texas judge beating his daughter. I watched the video and it broke my heart. How can a person do that to their own flesh and blood? I know that I'm not a parent yet and so many people say that I have no right to say anything about disciplining children. I, however, have been a child, and I also have been around many different children and have seen many different types of discipline. Reed and I have discussed disciplining our children especially now that we are ready to start having our own kids. I must say I an totally against spanking children. As their mother I am supposed to be the person that loves, nurtures, and encourages them. I'm not supposed to be the person that causes them pain, in face I'm supposed to protect them from pain. However, if I spank them am I not doing the opposite? When I brought this though up before people have compared us spanking our kids to our kids touching a hot stove. I do not see that as the same thing. When a kid touches the hot stove they connect the two events and their actions directly cause the stove and every time they touch it they get the same results. When we spank the kids their actions do not directly cause the pain of spanking. Instead they do something, we get upset and then cause them pain. We have discussed this and both feel like some sort of constructive discipline is better for our kids. Constructive discipline simply means that the discipline somehow teaches the children why what they did was wrong. For example if they disrespect their elders then their punishment would somehow teach them why respecting their elders are so important. I also believe that calmly talking to children works better than yelling or threatening them every time. Anyways, back to the video. I can't imagine how that girls parents thought they were showing her their love by beating her with a belt. Also what could she possibly have learned from that experience except fear? There is such a fine line in my opinion between spanking and abuse. How do you know where that line is? How do you make sure that you don't cross it?

So it's been a while

I just realized how long it's been since I actually posted anything here. Honestly not much has happened in our lives. We are over halfway through the year long deployment. I can't wait to have Reed back home and I know that he cant wait to come home. Mid-tour leave is coming up soon. We are both so excited and can't wait to finally be together again. For those who don't know we will be back in Texas. Neither one of us have made any real plans, except that we are flying into Lubbock. Reed will be home for two weeks and I will get there a few days before he gets there and leave a few days later. Alaska is beautiful. The snow has started and we have several inches covering the ground. Everyday I wake up, look outside and am constantly amazed by the beauty that surrounds me. Its amazing to me how much the deployment has strengthened our relationship. We have had lots of struggles and arguments, and I know that we will have more, but overall I feel like we are stronger. In our relationship we have overcome/endured so much, yet right now I feel closer to him than ever. That doesn't make sense, he's on the other side of the world, but it's true. Recently our conversations have taken on a much deeper level than just simple I love you and miss you. Anyways, I seem to be rambling so I'll be done for now and try to post on here more frequently.

Army Life

Being an army wife is so much harder than I ever imagined, but rewarding at the same time. When Reed and I got married we seemed on the fast track to the American dream. We were both working at the hospital. I had just graduated nursing school and he would be graduating at the end of the year. We both had plans of going on a getting our masters degrees and becoming Nurse Practitioners. We thought we had life all figured out. Then in one moment everything changed. Reed was out of nursing school and no longer working at the hospital. Our life seemed to have fallen apart, we had no idea what was next. One day as Reed was taking me to work he told me that he was going to talk to a recruiter about joining the Army. I was blown away...my husband in the Army? It was never something I had wanted. I loved coming home to him everyday and being together. At first I told Reed no way, he couldn't do it. He said that he was going to meet with the recruiter anyways because he was sure that there was no way he could join because of his age and that he was overweight and out of shape. Well, that night at work (and the next several nights) were slow so I had plenty of time to think. The more I thought about it the more the Army made sense. I know that it had always been a dream of his and it seemed like the best option out of the ones that we talked about. Reed and I spent many hours discussing how this decision would affect us and our family and any children we might have. We finally came to the joint decision that this would be best for our family and he signed a contract for 3 years. It's amazing to me how much that decision, that looks so simple from the outside looking in, has changed our lives. On April 25th of last year I kissed my husband good bye and sent him off to basic training in Georgia. At that point that thought that was hard. During basic he was injured and we got to spend the month of July together. He was a different man at that point. I could see in him a new kind of confidence and pride for making it through the first 9 weeks. In August I shipped him back to Georgia and thought I would be headed out there my self in a few months. Well, I never went to Georgia. Reed didn't have an official graduation from basic. They just sent him out on the FTX with a group and when they got back they pulled him out from the group and shipped him to his first duty station. I was devastated. Now my husband was living in Alaska and I was still in Texas...we had an entire country separating us. Plus we had no idea when I would get to join him. It was awful. He arrived in Fairbanks, Alaska at the end of September, and I joined him the first of December. I would not recommend anyone to move from Texas to Alaska in December. It was awful. The day I left Texas it was like 87 and when I got to Fairbanks it was -12. Talk about shock! The first month in Alaska was rough experience. To say it took some getting used to is putting it lightly. However, I have adapted and now I love it here. On April 25th of this year I kissed my husband good bye again, this time sending him off to Afghanistan. That I have to say is honestly the hardest thing I have ever done. I told myself to hold it together for him, but inside I was falling apart. I just wanted 5 more minutes. As I watched him walk away, I kept praying for his commanders to change their mind and give them 5 more minutes. Had I showed him how much he meant to me? Did he know how proud of him I was and how much I loved him? What if I never saw him again? All these thoughts and more were flying around in my head and my heart was heavy. Here we go again...another year apart. As the time for his deployment had drawn nearer and nearer I went though the grieving process actually. I was so angry with him for doing this to our family. We fought almost constantly for about a month it seems. I wondered if our marriage could survive this and how other people had done it. Then I got depressed. I would just start crying about the dumbest little things. How was I gong to survive a year without my husband in Alaska of all places. Finally I accepted that he was going. It wasn't like he wanted to deploy but it was what he was ordered to do and it was what was best for his career. I know that millions of wives have done this before me and millions would do it after me. Reed had accepted his deployment a lot sooner than I did. I guess I didn't really accept it until about a week or so before he left. It was then that I had a comforting peace come over me and I knew that Reed would be ok and our marriage would survive this. I would like to say that it has all been peaches and cream since then, but it hasn't. I've had the normal Army wife nightmares and fears. Reed and I have had to learn what this separation means as far as our relationship goes, which has been tricky. We have had our "discussions," but thankfully we both seem to try to be understanding of the other. Being apart for the majority of the last two years and more apart than together so far in our marriage has definitely helped teach me about myself . I have learned that I am a much stronger person that I ever thought. I never thought I would be able to handle to stresses that come with deployment as well as I have so far. Yes I have had my moments when I have not handled everything that great, but overall I'm doing much better than I thought I would. I miss my husband terribly but I'm not letting that keep me from living my life. I have also learned that you can be 100% committed to a relationship and still be independent. Now I'm not saying that I don't include Reed in things cause I do.What I'm saying is that I don't need him here to function. I love having him here, and we have so much fun together, but I'm not going to put my life on hold because he isn't here. I have to say too that I love the Army family. While I have not met many other wives the ones that I have met are amazing. I have seen how we all band together when bad news comes. I know first hand  that if you ever need someone all you have to do is pick up the phone and call a fellow Army wife. We are there for each other all the time. It is comforting because try as they might people who are not in the Army/have not experienced Army life first hand don't get it. They don't understand what's going on. They try, but this life is something you have to live to understand. I don't mean to offend anyone and I apologize if I do. I want to say thanks to my sister, Heather, Desiree, Toria and Julie for being there for me. You five know what this means and have helped me through so much! Sorry for the lengthy post, it's just that Memorial Day got me thinking. I can't imagine my life any different than it is now. I want to say thanks to Omar for helping me and being there for me so many times in the last year and a half. I miss being able to ask you my questions! When Reed joined the Army, Memorial Day became much more than just a long weekend and a great reason to BBQ. This year he is over in Afghanistan fighting with his buddies (who have become like brothers to him) to maintain the freedom that we enjoy everyday. I had heard that your battle buddies become like family to you but I never realized how true that was. His platoon buddies are his brothers in every sense of the word. Please remember them not only today but every other day of the year. Pray that they stay safe and return home to Alaska in a year!

Insomnia

Tuesday marks 3 weeks since Reed left. I have thoroughly cleaned the entire house. It feels so nice coming home to a clean house, but I sure to miss him. I have never had a problem sleeping....until Reed left for basic that is. When he first left last year I had a small bout of insomnia, but after about a week or so it went away. Well, now the insomnia is back. My body feels tired, but my mind won't let me sleep. I thought insomnia was bad in Lubbock, but it is so much worse here in Alaska. At least in Lubbock it would dark, which seemed to help some, but here is a totally different story. It's almost midnight here and still bright outside. I'm hoping that this bout of insomnia goes away quickly and that I will soon be back into a more normal sleeping pattern without Reed here. I did it before and I know I can do it again....just hopefully it will happen soon! Other than the sleeping issue things have been pretty good since he left. I can't believe it's already been 3 weeks. At times it feels like we just said goodbye a couple days ago, but there are other times when it feels like he has been gone forever. I have gotten a lot of things accomplished around the house in these last three weeks. I was able to talk with Reed this morning. He is doing good; says that they are keeping him very busy over there, but he's doing good.

A time for good-bye

Very early this morning Reed and I said good-bye to each other once again. This time I am sending him off to fight in Afghanistan. All I can do is pray for his safety. Reed has spent many hours in the last several weeks telling about where he is going and what they are doing to help assure me that he will be safe. Words can't describe what it's like kissing the one you love good-bye not only for a year but knowing that they are going to war. I have no idea what the next year entails for us, but I'm confident we'll make it through.

It's been a while...

I tried posting this several weeks ago, but I guess it didn't work so here it is...

So many things have happened since I was last able to post. Since there is so much I'll start with the Reader's Digest version and then go into more depth later. Reed made it home safely the first of March. Then after a change of plans we spent our block leave here in Fairbanks and in Anchorage. Then it was back to work for both of us unfortunately.
I have never been so happy to wake up at 2 am as I was on March 4th! I was up at 2 to go pick up my husband from base finally! It was a long month with him gone. I'm an totally dreading deployment, but know that we can make it through it. Soon after he got home it was my birthday. Reed got me my mixer that I have been dreaming of for years! I have to say...I love it! I really think everyone needs one! My mixer is also different from everyone that I have seen though because it has a clear bowl and not the metal one. That makes it all the more special to me.
Then it was block leave. Unfortunately we spent the first week of our two week leave spending every afternoon on base trying to get his paycheck figured out. Then we headed down to Anchorage. Although I was super excited to see a Target, I was overall disappointed with Anchorage. I don't really know why, I think it's just cause I'm so used to our small town of Fairbanks that Anchorage was too overwhelming for me. Another reason I don't think that I liked it too much is because there were so many things that I wanted to do that were closed for the season. So I'm sure that I will like it better when I go down there this summer. After we got home from Anchorage we started to work on a crazy project of mine. I have wanted to get a shoe bench in our entry way to help contain all our shoes and such and to help it make much more organized. I was going crazy with the unorganized manner of our shoes. After many difficulites we finally finished the bench. It looks so good in our hallway! We then set to a couple of other projects. Reed made me a shoe rack for our closet and I made an end table I think we have learned a new hobby for us to do together. We love working in the garage together.

Finally.....a bed!

The big news for this week is that we have our household goods finally! Wednesday morning the moving company arrived and had the crates unloaded by noon! After that Toria and I set to unpacking everything. It was a huge mess! Anyone that knows me knows that I like my house to be very neat! So believe me when I say this place was a total disaster! I took pictures and I'll have to figure out how to post them on here so that I can show everyone, but I'm going to wait until everything is unpacked and decorated before I do that so everyone can see the before and after. Toria and I are so excited because our house is finally starting to look like a home! We are no longer living somewhere that looks like a bachelor pad! Toria has been a lifesaver too! We decided to wash all the kitchen stuff and clothes because they had been in storage for several months. Boy was that a task! She set to work washing the kitchen stuff and I started on the laundry. Unfortunately, I had to go back to work on Thursday so it's taking me a while to get through everything, but she has washed everything in the kitchen and put it all away! It's amazing! Our kitchen it fully stocked! My first priority on Wednesday was our bedroom though. I like to decorate the bedroom and get it all set up first because I think it's relaxing to have it all decorated and pretty when I go to bed and wake up. Unfortunately, our bedroom furniture was bigger than the room so our dresser had to go to another room, but with our bed, both nightstands and the addition on a small bookshelf, our room looks great! It felt so good to finally sleep in a real bed again! We moved into the house on 21 Dec 2010 and were sleeping on an airbed until Monday at which point I had to turn in the airbed and I could either sleep on a pallet on the floor or the couch. The airbed worked fine and all, but I'll just say that our bed is amazing! Last night Toria and I hung the pictures and such on the walls. We were so excited! Our house is really looking good! I was also able to contain the unpacked mess to two rooms upstairs! I was impressed with how everything survived the move. When it got here I was shocked at how poorly everything was packed! So I was very impressed with the minimal amount of things that were either damaged or broken. We actually had only three things broken, and about 5 things damaged. Not too bad really. The biggest bummer though was that they broke one of the legs on our couch. We had planned on putting our couch in one of the empty rooms upstairs with the other TV and making it a TV room. However with the couch leg broken we had to improvise. We still made it a TV room, but instead of a couch we put the cushions from the couch on the floor in the shape of a couch. Hopefully the inspector will come look at it soon and decide if they can fix it or if they will replace it. We'll see. I doubt it will be too quick, mainly because I have learned how the Army works.

So I never made it back to finish this last week, oops. So we have had our furniture for over a week now. It is so nice!  I really wish Reed was here to enjoy it all with me! It was nice not having him here at first so I could unpack and put everything away at my own pace, but now I'm ready for him to be home! Oh well, he'll be home soon enough. Anyways, this week hasn't been too bad really. We are really busy at the clinic, which is awesome. Usually it takes several months to build up a clinic to where you are really full and busy, but not us. We are already booked full almost everyday! It's amazing! I totally love working in the clinic setting and don't regret my decision to leave the hospital one bit. The weather this week took a turn for the bitterly cold earlier this week. Tuesday and Wednesday we had lows between -40 and -45. It was crazy! Now today we are positive 10. How crazy is that. I guess that is about all the news for this week.