So much has happened since I last took/had the time to sit down and write. I've changed departments at work, Reed's out of the Army and our baby girl is 1! How is it possible that our little miracle baby is one?!?
Let's start by catching up on Kenzie. She is so amazing! I love watching her learn and grow every day. She is so happy, most of the time, and very adventurous. She is very sure of herself and makes sure that everyone knows what she wants. While she definitely has moments that she acts like an only child, we are working with her, both at home and daycare, to learn how to share and play with others.
Unfortunately we are still dealing with her milk allergy. However, thankfully she is able to eat baked in dairy, yogurt and most cheese. The only thing that I know she can't handle is whole milk. I'm too scared to give her ice cream so I don't know about that one. We last trialed whole milk about 3 weeks ago. While there was no blood in her poo after only 2 days she had green super mucousy poos which to me is an indication of a fail. I've got my fingers crossed that when we try again in about 2 weeks that she'll be able to tolerate it. Until then though we continue to give her everything that she can tolerate in the hopes of getting her system used to it and allowing her to pass milk next time.
She loves to eat, although baby food is refused 95% of the time now. She much prefers to share a plate with me at dinner. Right now her absolute favorite meal is spaghetti, which I think is about normal for babies her age. She did, however, hate her cake for her birthday. It tasted delicious and was so pretty, but she's not a big fan of being dirty. She's actually a very clean eater and likes to help wipe off the table and sweep the floors, so I think that's why she hated her cake. We are doing her 1 year pictures tomorrow with a smash cake so I'm hoping that it'll go a little better. We've been trying to make her mess with things that are different textures to hopefully minimize the screaming and crying for her pictures.
She also loves to be outside. As soon as she sees the front door open she runs over to it to go outside. She got so mad at us the other night because it was raining and cold so we didn't let her go outside to play. We have a big garden in the back and lots of raspberries bushes and that has been her favorite activity this summer. Almost every night we head back to the garden and she gets fresh raspberries and strawberries and whatever else we end up picking. Last night she helped us harvest some of our potatoes. We are so sad that the summer is almost over and she won't be able to go out back for her nightly fresh snack. Other favorite outside activities including swinging, picking up rocks and going down the slide.
In other news, Reed is no longer in the Army. Him getting out was very bittersweet. It's so nice having him home all the time and never have to worry about him leaving for training or deployments or getting called in on the weekends or evenings for stupid crap. However, the very steady/dependable paycheck as well as the insurance are sorely missed. We started planning on him getting out back in December/January time and had no idea what he was going to do. He didn't really want a 9-5 job and I didn't really want him to take a job on the slope even though the pay would be great. Then while driving around one day he found what he wanted to do. He is now the owner of the laundromat here in town. I never thought we would use a laundromat, much less own one, but here we are. We have been laundromat owners for almost 2 months now. It's such an interesting and educational experience. He loves being his own boss and not having to answer to anyone (except me of course) and I love that he is always home. Sure he occasionally gets calls about problems while we're having dinner or after Kenz goes to bed, but he usually goes up to take care of it and is back home within 2 hrs. He's such a different man now compared to what he was even 6 months ago. While owning a business is stressful, he is much happier now that he has been in the last 3 years.
I took a different position at work which has also allowed me to change my hours and be able to spend more time with Kenzie every night. I now do occupational health stuff. I really miss surgery, assisting in the OR, the surgeon and the patients, but now I have a new manager, better hours and the freedom to do what I want with my job. I no longer have anyone micromanaging me or making me feel like an incompetent nurse.
Has anyone else who went through fertility treatments quit having cycles on their own? Prior to starting out treatments in 2012 I would always have a cycle, but they were just irregular and averaged 36-38 days long. The first sign of a problem was May 2013 when I didn't ovulate on our last round of Clomid. Then we took a break from fertility treatments for the summer and I never had a cycle. The next cycle, induced with provera, I got pregnant with Kenzie. Fast forward to my 6 week postpartum check. I decided to get the Mirena because I didn't want to risk getting pregnant accidentally. Unfortunately I had to have it removed 5 months later because of bad cramping. Since then I have only had 1 cycle. I don't cycle on my own and they just increased the ocp that I'm taking because I didn't cycle on the original one they put me on. Did I really mess up my body chasing my dreams of having a baby?
August 21, 2015
January 5, 2015
Coming to an end?
When Kenzie was first born my goal was to breastfeed until she was ready to quit. Then we discovered her milk and soy intolerance and my goal was a year. Then we discovered her intolerance to almonds and my goal stayed at a year. Right before Thanksgiving we had our first encounter with blood in her poo and I had to quit nursing her for two days. I tried my best to keep up with pumping during those two days, but know I could have done better. Since then I've noticed that my supply has dropped some. I used to be able to easily pump 10 oz in the morning and another 5 oz or more in the afternoon. So I got some lactation cookies, drank lots of water, and started taking fenugreek supplements to help increase my supply. She doesn't act like she's hungry or not getting enough to eat, but I just can't pump much anymore. This morning I was only able to pump 5 oz no matter how much I tried. I'm back to being really sore (similar, but not quite as bad, as in the beginning) and starting to dread pumping time. The very minimum I wanted to make it was 6 months, but I don't know if I can keep up. Since the two day break we have gone through the over 100 oz that I had frozen prior to going back to work and now I just feel like I can't keep up. She eats about 15 oz while I'm at work and in order to get that today I had to pump twice yesterday on top of feeding her plus pump this morning while taking my husband to work. I don't know what to do. Would it be horrible to give her one bottle of formula during the day and try to continue with mostly breastfeeding/pumping?
December 8, 2014
Who knew milk could be so bad?!?
I've known for a while now that Kenzie was a Milk Soy Protein Intolerance (MSPI) baby. I've adapted my diet to eliminate all sources of milk and soy. It is quite possibly one of the more challenging things I've had to do. I thought I was being so careful, but I do admit that I have been a little less OCD about checking ingredient labels recently. That's when my first major panic moment as a mom happened. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving I change Kenz's diaper and find two large drops of blood in there. I panicked! As a nurse I know that blood does not come from intestines and into stool unless something is wrong. I instantly looked closely for hemorrhoids (I knew the chance of that at her age was minimal, but still) and fissures. I didn't think she had either really because she's not ever had a problem with constipation. I called her doctor and we met with him the following afternoon. He said that the two most common causes of blood in stools in babies is a fissure or allergy. We both looked and didn't see any fissures so that left us with the allergy. He gave me samples of a special milk-free, soy-free formula and told me to try that exclusively if the blood continued or worsened. The blood seemed to have gone away Wednesday aside from little specs which she has had for a while. However, Thursday mid-morning the blood returned and we made the decision to switch her to the Nutramigen. We had her on only formula for 40 hours and she had even more blood in her stool so back to the doctor we went. Unfortunately, it was a Saturday and her regular pediatrician wasn't working so we were stuck seeing a nurse pracitioner in the same department. She was nice enough but talked to me like I didn't know what I was doing. She decided that Kenz had several fissures that was where the blood was coming from. She suggested that we go back to breastfeeding since Kenz liked it better and ultimately that's what we wanted for her. I didn't feel great about this option, but she hated the formula and had been so cranky since we switched. As soon as I started nursing her she just melted into me. She had a couple bouts of blood in her stool since, but as of last Wednesday there was no blood! I'm so relieved. It was so frustrating seeing blood in her poo and everyone telling me not to worry about it while everything in my gut told me something was right.
That being said I have also wondered if she has a sensitivity to almonds. When I first got the idea of the milk intolerance I switched to using almond milk, but found that she still had lots of watery, mucousy stool. I then switched to rice milk for everything. Since I finally got her poo back to looking normal this weekend, I decided to try almond milk again and see if she still had problems. I got a carton of vanilla almond milk (my favorite) and had some Saturday morning, and by Saturday evening the blood had returned. I then stopped the almond milk and the blood and mucous went away. I talked to her doctor about it when we came in the first time for the blood and he told me he didn't think it was a problem because it was so rare. However, based on the appearance of blood I think she does have an intolerance. I'm hoping that it is something that will outgrow like they think she will with the milk intolerance.
That being said I have also wondered if she has a sensitivity to almonds. When I first got the idea of the milk intolerance I switched to using almond milk, but found that she still had lots of watery, mucousy stool. I then switched to rice milk for everything. Since I finally got her poo back to looking normal this weekend, I decided to try almond milk again and see if she still had problems. I got a carton of vanilla almond milk (my favorite) and had some Saturday morning, and by Saturday evening the blood had returned. I then stopped the almond milk and the blood and mucous went away. I talked to her doctor about it when we came in the first time for the blood and he told me he didn't think it was a problem because it was so rare. However, based on the appearance of blood I think she does have an intolerance. I'm hoping that it is something that will outgrow like they think she will with the milk intolerance.
October 20, 2014
The Evil of Dairy and Soy
Two things that I truly love in life are chocolate and cheese. Unfortunately both of those foods have dairy in them. Here's the story to why that's important
Starting at about 5 weeks of age I noticed that Kenzie was increasingly fussy (despite taking Zantac for her reflux), spitting up more and her poop consistency had changed. When I took her into her appointment at 20 days I explained her "fussiness" to her doctor and he told me at that time he thought it was reflux, and to start her on Zantac and see how she does. She was still having "normal" breastfed baby poop with no blood or mucous in it. I gave her the Zantac religiously and never really noticed any changes. She was becoming more and more fussy so, in desperation, I took her back to the doctor. He said that since she had gained weight her Zantac was no longer a therapeutic dose and increased it. He said that if I noticed blood in her poop or this didn't work we needed to consider food sensitivities/allergies. I went home and continued to give her the Zantac, but never really saw a change for the better. Instead, she seemed to get more fussy, and her poop went from a little mucous to mostly mucous and diarrhea. Off to the internet I went, googling like a mad woman. I discovered something called a milk soy protein intolerance. Kenzie had every symptom except weight loss. I decided 3 weeks ago to eliminate all soy and dairy from my diet. Unfortunately it takes anywhere from 10 days - 3 weeks for it all to be our of my system, but after a week I started to notice a difference. She was becoming the happy baby that she was at first. Then I decided to experiment and allowed myself some cheese. That afternoon the diarrhea and fussy attitude returned. That sealed the deal for me.
Being a new mom is hard enough, but adding the strict diet changes has made it feel almost impossible at times. I now read labels like you wouldn't believe. Reed and I are shocked by how many things have soy in them. We have started to get more creative with our meals, but as an added bonus is that since so many things have soy and/or dairy in them we have been forced to have a very healthy diet. Sure there are many things that would taste better if we had some cheese with it, but it's not worth it for me.
I am seriously amazed by how much changing my diet effected my baby girl. She went for almost a month where she was never happy. She was literally screaming 90% of the time that she was awake. Now, she's full of smiles and seems close to laughing/giggling. Sure she still has her fussy moments, but overall she's much better. I even have taken her off the Zantac and she seems to be doing great without it. It's so nice not having to give my baby medicine even though she took her medicine like a champ.
Here's our beautiful, happy baby girl at almost 11 weeks old.
Starting at about 5 weeks of age I noticed that Kenzie was increasingly fussy (despite taking Zantac for her reflux), spitting up more and her poop consistency had changed. When I took her into her appointment at 20 days I explained her "fussiness" to her doctor and he told me at that time he thought it was reflux, and to start her on Zantac and see how she does. She was still having "normal" breastfed baby poop with no blood or mucous in it. I gave her the Zantac religiously and never really noticed any changes. She was becoming more and more fussy so, in desperation, I took her back to the doctor. He said that since she had gained weight her Zantac was no longer a therapeutic dose and increased it. He said that if I noticed blood in her poop or this didn't work we needed to consider food sensitivities/allergies. I went home and continued to give her the Zantac, but never really saw a change for the better. Instead, she seemed to get more fussy, and her poop went from a little mucous to mostly mucous and diarrhea. Off to the internet I went, googling like a mad woman. I discovered something called a milk soy protein intolerance. Kenzie had every symptom except weight loss. I decided 3 weeks ago to eliminate all soy and dairy from my diet. Unfortunately it takes anywhere from 10 days - 3 weeks for it all to be our of my system, but after a week I started to notice a difference. She was becoming the happy baby that she was at first. Then I decided to experiment and allowed myself some cheese. That afternoon the diarrhea and fussy attitude returned. That sealed the deal for me.
Being a new mom is hard enough, but adding the strict diet changes has made it feel almost impossible at times. I now read labels like you wouldn't believe. Reed and I are shocked by how many things have soy in them. We have started to get more creative with our meals, but as an added bonus is that since so many things have soy and/or dairy in them we have been forced to have a very healthy diet. Sure there are many things that would taste better if we had some cheese with it, but it's not worth it for me.
I am seriously amazed by how much changing my diet effected my baby girl. She went for almost a month where she was never happy. She was literally screaming 90% of the time that she was awake. Now, she's full of smiles and seems close to laughing/giggling. Sure she still has her fussy moments, but overall she's much better. I even have taken her off the Zantac and she seems to be doing great without it. It's so nice not having to give my baby medicine even though she took her medicine like a champ.
Here's our beautiful, happy baby girl at almost 11 weeks old.
October 8, 2014
2 months
I can't believe that little miss Kenzie had her 2 month birthday on Sunday! Where has the time gone? Unfortunately I have to go back to work in a month and am starting to get some anxiety about that. Initially I wanted to have her in a licensed daycare facility. I had put her on the waiting list on post when I was approximately 10 weeks pregnant. I would have to call every month and let them know that we still needed daycare for her and every month they would tell me that we wouldn't have a problem. That's until I called in August. When I called the week before Kenz was born they informed me that the secondary center they were counting on opening in August wasn't going to open and we were looking at a 6 month minimum wait. I asked what number she was on the wait list and they told me that they didn't know but that there were 147 infants on the waiting list. Are you kidding me?!? So they gave me the number for the childcare referral center who gave the info on about 30 licensed daycares and group home facilities. Of those 30, 2 didn't answer or call me back after leaving a message, 6 had hours that wouldn't work with our work schedules, and 20 were not accepting any child under 30 months. We went and visited one of the two that were accepting babies and I was less than impressed. She charged $820 or so per month and expected us to pay the full monthly amount from the time we turned in the paperwork for Kenz to go to her. That mean that for 12 weeks plus however long I had until I delivered (which ended up only being a week) we would be paying her to do absolutely nothing. I couldn't believe that she expected us to pay her over $2400 just to hold a spot for our daughter. There were several things I didn't like about her, but that was the biggest one. The other place I had set up an appointment to meet with her the next Wednesday, but turned out that little miss was born on Tuesday and we needed to reschedule since we both wanted to be there. I called her twice, once while I was in the hospital room waiting to go to the OR and the next time right before we were discharged and she never called me back. I was really starting to panic. What was I going to do? We need my income, but I couldn't take her with me to work and no one was taking babies. Then I saw a post on one of the many pages for the military spouses/families in the area about a woman who has 5 kids and is wanting to start doing some childcare because her children are in school. Despite it not being what I wanted I was desperate and contacted her. We went and met with her and it turned out great. She is such a sweet woman and is super flexible with our schedules. She totally understands the military life and that when Reed has 3 and 4 day weekends and block leave little miss will stay home with him. The other lady didn't get that. I'm very comfortable with where she'll be while I'm at work, but it's causing me tons of anxiety. She is technically 9 weeks old today and I have not been away from her for more than an hour since she was born.
I knew that motherhood was going to be challenging, but this is way more than I expected. Little miss isn't what I would call an easy baby. She is very fussy and wants to be held at all times. We were told that she had acid reflux at 3 weeks and she was started on medication for that. I hated the idea of giving my baby medication, but was desperate for something that might help ease her fussiness. It helps a little, but not much. After doing some research on the ever handy internet and watching her reactions to what I was eating I discovered that she may have a problem with milk & dairy. I clearly remember having something very cheesy for dinner one night and after nursing the next morning she had bad diarrhea for about 2 hours. I know 2 hours doesn't seem like much, but for a little baby that's a lot of poop and a lot of fluid to loose. Thankfully it stopped and she didn't show any signs of dehydration. I have since cut out dairy and upon further ready discovered that if your baby has a problem with milk/dairy then you should cut out soy as well. I have cut out both, but it has definitely been a challenge. I have never read food labels as much as I do now. I'm actually shocked at the amount of foods that have soy in them. While it's an added bonus that we are having to eat very healthy and almost no processed foods it's also challenging because there isn't much that I can grab and make one handed. I feel like I'm constantly hungry with no real snacks I can grab. I know that I'll figure things out slowly, but I can tell you that I'm craving pizza and chocolate like crazy. You never know how much you truly enjoy something until you can't have it. While the diet changes are proving to be very challenging one look at my daughter I know that it's so very worth it. I'm hoping that once all the milk and soy proteins are out of my system (which could take anywhere from 10 days to 3 weeks) that she will go back to being the happy baby that she was for the first 3 weeks.
At the suggestion of her doctor today we have also started self soothing with her. I was telling him how every night now we give her a bath and then I feed her and she falls asleep. Due to her reflux I normally hold her for another 20-30 minutes and then put her to bed. She used to stay asleep when I put her to bed, but now she's waking up almost immediately after I put her down. He said that's normal and that the sooner we teach her to self soothe and put herself to sleep in her bed the better life will be for all 3 of us. Tonight was our first night and it has been pure hell so far. As of right now it's 1:15 am and I have yet to be asleep. She has finally stopped screaming/crying, but I'm pretty sure she's still awake. I'm hoping that she goes to sleep soon so I can go to sleep. I'm also hoping that she will sleep a good 4-5 hours so that I can get enough sleep to be able to make it through the day. We shall see though.
I meant to put a picture of her in my last post, but due to internet problems and not being able to use my own computer I wasn't able to. Here's a picture of her from today.
I knew that motherhood was going to be challenging, but this is way more than I expected. Little miss isn't what I would call an easy baby. She is very fussy and wants to be held at all times. We were told that she had acid reflux at 3 weeks and she was started on medication for that. I hated the idea of giving my baby medication, but was desperate for something that might help ease her fussiness. It helps a little, but not much. After doing some research on the ever handy internet and watching her reactions to what I was eating I discovered that she may have a problem with milk & dairy. I clearly remember having something very cheesy for dinner one night and after nursing the next morning she had bad diarrhea for about 2 hours. I know 2 hours doesn't seem like much, but for a little baby that's a lot of poop and a lot of fluid to loose. Thankfully it stopped and she didn't show any signs of dehydration. I have since cut out dairy and upon further ready discovered that if your baby has a problem with milk/dairy then you should cut out soy as well. I have cut out both, but it has definitely been a challenge. I have never read food labels as much as I do now. I'm actually shocked at the amount of foods that have soy in them. While it's an added bonus that we are having to eat very healthy and almost no processed foods it's also challenging because there isn't much that I can grab and make one handed. I feel like I'm constantly hungry with no real snacks I can grab. I know that I'll figure things out slowly, but I can tell you that I'm craving pizza and chocolate like crazy. You never know how much you truly enjoy something until you can't have it. While the diet changes are proving to be very challenging one look at my daughter I know that it's so very worth it. I'm hoping that once all the milk and soy proteins are out of my system (which could take anywhere from 10 days to 3 weeks) that she will go back to being the happy baby that she was for the first 3 weeks.
At the suggestion of her doctor today we have also started self soothing with her. I was telling him how every night now we give her a bath and then I feed her and she falls asleep. Due to her reflux I normally hold her for another 20-30 minutes and then put her to bed. She used to stay asleep when I put her to bed, but now she's waking up almost immediately after I put her down. He said that's normal and that the sooner we teach her to self soothe and put herself to sleep in her bed the better life will be for all 3 of us. Tonight was our first night and it has been pure hell so far. As of right now it's 1:15 am and I have yet to be asleep. She has finally stopped screaming/crying, but I'm pretty sure she's still awake. I'm hoping that she goes to sleep soon so I can go to sleep. I'm also hoping that she will sleep a good 4-5 hours so that I can get enough sleep to be able to make it through the day. We shall see though.
I meant to put a picture of her in my last post, but due to internet problems and not being able to use my own computer I wasn't able to. Here's a picture of her from today.
August 23, 2014
The day my life was forever changed
Started around 35 weeks I began having problems with my blood pressure being too high. At my 35 week appointment my OB ordered all the pre-eclampsia labs, including a 24 hr urine, and decided that we would do twice weekly NSTs to make sure little miss wasn't in distress from my high blood pressure and then weekly appointments for me. He also told me that it felt like she had flipped and was no longer breech. She still felt the same to me, but he was certain that he felt her head down low and her feet up high. That was a huge relief to me because I really didn't want to have a C-section and knew that the chances of her flipping after 35 weeks were slim.
She did great for every NST, had great variability and excellent movement. However, I didn't do so great at my appointments. At my 36 week appointment and the NST that week my blood pressure had dropped back down to normal it appeared that I wouldn't have to be induced after all. I was so excited that I would get to let her decide when she was ready to come and be able to experience a "normal" labor since we didn't have a normal conception. That all changed at my 37 week appointment. As usual her NST looked great, I was the problem. My blood pressure had shot up and despite taking it multiple times and letting me sit and rest for a while between each time it stayed around 150/92. While that doesn't seem too bad it's insanely high given that I was on heart medication for help keep my rate down and it also lowers blood pressure; both my OB and I were worried about how high my blood pressure would have been if I wasn't on the medications. He decided it would be best for me to have daily blood pressure checks and repeat all the pre-e labs (except the 24 hr urine). He was certain that I would not remain pregnant for my appointment next week, depending on how the labs came back I wasn't even going to get to stay pregnant that night. That afternoon I met him in the hall and he told me that I did get to stay pregnant that night and since he was doing an ultrasound to check position for a co-worker of mine he would do an ultrasound on me to make sure that she had indeed flipped. Well, jokes on him, she was still breech. We had a good laugh about that (since nothing else seemed to be going right that day) and then had a serious discussion about my options at this point. I basically had 3 options, I could see an acupuncturist to try moxy to get her to turn, we could schedule and external version to try to make her flip or we could schedule a section. I was completely devastated. First my body seemed to be failing my daughter by forcing her to come early. Secondly a section was still a very real possibility for me.
I scheduled an appointment for the next afternoon with the acupuncturist that I had seen last summer with the hope that it would work and I would still at least be allowed to labor and have a vaginal (or as most people refer to it a normal delivery). I had a strong feeling that I wouldn't get to stay pregnant tomorrow night so as soon as I got home from work I finished up the cleaning that I didn't get done the day before and made sure that both her bag and my bag for the hospital were packed.
The next morning I tried to stay as relaxed as possible. I knew my blood pressure was bad though. I had a terrible headache that was very similar to the migraines I used to get and had a really bad disconnected feeling. We checked my blood pressure and it was slightly high than it was the day before. My manager, bless her, tried having me rest and distract myself to see if it would come down, but nothing worked. It was time for a sit down with my OB in his office and make a plan. He didn't like the risks for both me and her of staying pregnant any longer. My options were attempt an external version and then induction or a section. I sat in his office in tears. I was scared for my baby and her health. I was upset at my body for forcing me to deliver her early. I was scared of the options. So I called my husband to discuss the options. After much discussion and some tears we decided that a C-section was the best option for us. So we walked down the hall and sat in my OB's office at noon on 8/5/14 and told him that we had decided to go for the section. The risks associated with an external version combined with the fact that it might not even work and we would still have to do a section were what pushed us to decide on the section to start with. My OB agreed with our choice and said that is what he would recommend and set me up for the section at 3:30 that afternoon. I had an hour and a half to get everything prepared for my leave at work and head to the hospital to check in, plus call our families and let them know. My husband also had to go back to work and wait until his chain of command was back from lunch (at 1:30) to let them know that I would be having the baby that day and get his paternity leave all squared away. Finally at 3:45 my nurse came and walked me down to the OR. The anesthesiologist who did my spinal was amazing and before I knew it they were calling my husband back into the room and the blue drape was going up in front of my face. The best part of my OB is that I knew and worked closely with him and the OB he had assisting him. They talked me through everything which I'm sure they do for everyone, but we also laughed and joked. He had a hard time getting her out because she was breech. As he was pulling her cute little booty out she pooped all over his hand, everyone in the OR had a good laugh at that. He also said that she came out with her hand in her mouth. She still gets mad if she isn't able to have her hands free and near her face now. At 4:18 on August 5, 2014, our precious daughter was born! She had a bit of a problem regulating her breathing for the first minute or two so they gave her oxygen via a mask, but she quickly figured out how to do it on her own. Before I knew it she was swaddled in blankets and laid on my chest. Reed and I held her and were totally in awe that she was here and ours. She was absolutely perfect!
We stayed in the hospital for 4 days. The first couple of days they were worried about jaundice with her but her bili levels never got high enough to need the bili lights. My blood pressure stayed up as well as my heart rate. Although the numbers were the same as before she was born my blood pressure and heart rate were actually better than before she was born because I was taken off the medication to lower it. However, I did ask him to put me back on it after two days because the palpitations were coming back.
I can't believe that was almost 3 weeks ago! My baby girl is 2 weeks old and still absolutely perfect!
She did great for every NST, had great variability and excellent movement. However, I didn't do so great at my appointments. At my 36 week appointment and the NST that week my blood pressure had dropped back down to normal it appeared that I wouldn't have to be induced after all. I was so excited that I would get to let her decide when she was ready to come and be able to experience a "normal" labor since we didn't have a normal conception. That all changed at my 37 week appointment. As usual her NST looked great, I was the problem. My blood pressure had shot up and despite taking it multiple times and letting me sit and rest for a while between each time it stayed around 150/92. While that doesn't seem too bad it's insanely high given that I was on heart medication for help keep my rate down and it also lowers blood pressure; both my OB and I were worried about how high my blood pressure would have been if I wasn't on the medications. He decided it would be best for me to have daily blood pressure checks and repeat all the pre-e labs (except the 24 hr urine). He was certain that I would not remain pregnant for my appointment next week, depending on how the labs came back I wasn't even going to get to stay pregnant that night. That afternoon I met him in the hall and he told me that I did get to stay pregnant that night and since he was doing an ultrasound to check position for a co-worker of mine he would do an ultrasound on me to make sure that she had indeed flipped. Well, jokes on him, she was still breech. We had a good laugh about that (since nothing else seemed to be going right that day) and then had a serious discussion about my options at this point. I basically had 3 options, I could see an acupuncturist to try moxy to get her to turn, we could schedule and external version to try to make her flip or we could schedule a section. I was completely devastated. First my body seemed to be failing my daughter by forcing her to come early. Secondly a section was still a very real possibility for me.
I scheduled an appointment for the next afternoon with the acupuncturist that I had seen last summer with the hope that it would work and I would still at least be allowed to labor and have a vaginal (or as most people refer to it a normal delivery). I had a strong feeling that I wouldn't get to stay pregnant tomorrow night so as soon as I got home from work I finished up the cleaning that I didn't get done the day before and made sure that both her bag and my bag for the hospital were packed.
The next morning I tried to stay as relaxed as possible. I knew my blood pressure was bad though. I had a terrible headache that was very similar to the migraines I used to get and had a really bad disconnected feeling. We checked my blood pressure and it was slightly high than it was the day before. My manager, bless her, tried having me rest and distract myself to see if it would come down, but nothing worked. It was time for a sit down with my OB in his office and make a plan. He didn't like the risks for both me and her of staying pregnant any longer. My options were attempt an external version and then induction or a section. I sat in his office in tears. I was scared for my baby and her health. I was upset at my body for forcing me to deliver her early. I was scared of the options. So I called my husband to discuss the options. After much discussion and some tears we decided that a C-section was the best option for us. So we walked down the hall and sat in my OB's office at noon on 8/5/14 and told him that we had decided to go for the section. The risks associated with an external version combined with the fact that it might not even work and we would still have to do a section were what pushed us to decide on the section to start with. My OB agreed with our choice and said that is what he would recommend and set me up for the section at 3:30 that afternoon. I had an hour and a half to get everything prepared for my leave at work and head to the hospital to check in, plus call our families and let them know. My husband also had to go back to work and wait until his chain of command was back from lunch (at 1:30) to let them know that I would be having the baby that day and get his paternity leave all squared away. Finally at 3:45 my nurse came and walked me down to the OR. The anesthesiologist who did my spinal was amazing and before I knew it they were calling my husband back into the room and the blue drape was going up in front of my face. The best part of my OB is that I knew and worked closely with him and the OB he had assisting him. They talked me through everything which I'm sure they do for everyone, but we also laughed and joked. He had a hard time getting her out because she was breech. As he was pulling her cute little booty out she pooped all over his hand, everyone in the OR had a good laugh at that. He also said that she came out with her hand in her mouth. She still gets mad if she isn't able to have her hands free and near her face now. At 4:18 on August 5, 2014, our precious daughter was born! She had a bit of a problem regulating her breathing for the first minute or two so they gave her oxygen via a mask, but she quickly figured out how to do it on her own. Before I knew it she was swaddled in blankets and laid on my chest. Reed and I held her and were totally in awe that she was here and ours. She was absolutely perfect!
We stayed in the hospital for 4 days. The first couple of days they were worried about jaundice with her but her bili levels never got high enough to need the bili lights. My blood pressure stayed up as well as my heart rate. Although the numbers were the same as before she was born my blood pressure and heart rate were actually better than before she was born because I was taken off the medication to lower it. However, I did ask him to put me back on it after two days because the palpitations were coming back.
I can't believe that was almost 3 weeks ago! My baby girl is 2 weeks old and still absolutely perfect!
July 15, 2014
34 weeks
I can't belive I've made it to 34 weeks! Our little lady will be here next month! This is all getting very overwhelming for me. I've had to stop avoiding thinking about labor and delivery,start planning on getting the hospital bag together, and it's really setting in now how drastically our lives are about to change. No more staying up late watching movies or a tv show marathon and sleeping in the next day. No more waiting until the last possible minute to get up and get ready for work. No more spur of the moment trips on the weekend that involve minimal to no planning. I know that it's all going to be worth it, but it's still overwhelming and scary. Last night I starting thinking about tummy time, introducing solid foods, reading to her, vaccines, doctors appointments, and such and wondering how I will know when the right time for everything is and such.
Another thing that is really weighing on me more and more now is the fact that our little lady is still breech. She stays on my right side, and in the mornings she is more transverse, but as the day goes on she keeps her head in my ribs. I can barely bend over while sitting now because of how she's positioned. My boss really wants me to do different stretches/exercises to try to make her flip, but honestly I'm scared. There is just one little cord that's floating around with her and keeping her alive. If I were to do something to try to make her flip and something happens to her cord she could be in serious trouble. Thanks to my trip to the hospital several weeks ago I know that she already has decels (and my understanding was that they are fairly regular), which is scary enough. I keep telling my boss that I'm not going to worry about it because she still has a month to flip and that my OB isn't worried about her being breech until 37 weeks. He said at that point we will do an ultrasound to check her position and then consider trying an external version. I was totally fine with that...until recently anyways. Upon further researching it I've found that is actually fairly risky because her cord could be wrapped around her. Goodness! Now I don't know what to do! I'm just hoping and praying that as we get closer she will turn on her own. However, how likely is that? I've read many places that sometimes there are birth defects or just the baby anatomy that don't allow her to flip (a large head for example). Then I start to think about what happens if she doesn't flip...c-section. Although my only real desire is to have a safe and healthy baby the thought of a c-section scares me. I trust my doctor and know that he would do a fine job if that is what's requited, but just having to have surgery is scary. What are her chances of having hip dysplasia? I've read that many breech babies do simply because of the position they were in while in the womb. When I worked in ortho several years ago we took care of a baby with hip dyplasia and while I know it's definitely not a permanent thing and know how the treatment goes it's still something that scares me. Is this what being a mom is all about? Constantly being filled with worry over your child?
Another thing that is really weighing on me more and more now is the fact that our little lady is still breech. She stays on my right side, and in the mornings she is more transverse, but as the day goes on she keeps her head in my ribs. I can barely bend over while sitting now because of how she's positioned. My boss really wants me to do different stretches/exercises to try to make her flip, but honestly I'm scared. There is just one little cord that's floating around with her and keeping her alive. If I were to do something to try to make her flip and something happens to her cord she could be in serious trouble. Thanks to my trip to the hospital several weeks ago I know that she already has decels (and my understanding was that they are fairly regular), which is scary enough. I keep telling my boss that I'm not going to worry about it because she still has a month to flip and that my OB isn't worried about her being breech until 37 weeks. He said at that point we will do an ultrasound to check her position and then consider trying an external version. I was totally fine with that...until recently anyways. Upon further researching it I've found that is actually fairly risky because her cord could be wrapped around her. Goodness! Now I don't know what to do! I'm just hoping and praying that as we get closer she will turn on her own. However, how likely is that? I've read many places that sometimes there are birth defects or just the baby anatomy that don't allow her to flip (a large head for example). Then I start to think about what happens if she doesn't flip...c-section. Although my only real desire is to have a safe and healthy baby the thought of a c-section scares me. I trust my doctor and know that he would do a fine job if that is what's requited, but just having to have surgery is scary. What are her chances of having hip dysplasia? I've read that many breech babies do simply because of the position they were in while in the womb. When I worked in ortho several years ago we took care of a baby with hip dyplasia and while I know it's definitely not a permanent thing and know how the treatment goes it's still something that scares me. Is this what being a mom is all about? Constantly being filled with worry over your child?
June 10, 2014
Pictures
As the title says, this is all about pictures of our little lady. Technology is so amazing! We got to see our daughters face for the first time yesterday. Although she was stubborn and kept her feet and legs in front of her face the whole time so we only get to see half her face, it was amazing! I can only imagine how it's going to feel when she is actually in my arms. I brought one of the pictures to work to put on my desk and I honestly can't stop looking at her. I'm so amazed that she is ours and happy and health. Everyone tells me she's happy because her heart rate is always perfect. We even got to watch her practice breathing yesterday which the tech told us means that she is really happy and comfy. Life really is a miracle.
Here is a picture of her little face. Can you believe those little cheeks?
Her perfect little foot with five tiny toes!
We discovered that she is quite flexible. This shows that she was laying with her feet over her head, and she stayed like that the whole time.
June 9, 2014
29 Weeks
I can't believe that today I'm 29 weeks pregnant with out daughter! I dreamed of this for so long and finally it's reality. Most days I wake up and still am in awe that I'm finally pregnant and that, so far, we have been blessed with a healthy baby and fairly healthy pregnancy. Today we are doing a 3D/4D ultrasound of our baby girl and I'm so excited to see her! I'm really hoping that she cooperates and we get good pictures of our little lady. Reality of everything is really starting to hit me. In less than 3 months she will most likely be here with us and our lives will have changed forever. We are gradually getting things for her. Right now I think we have all the essentials for the first couple of weeks, but who knows.
I feel it's time to "let the cat out of the bag" so to speak about our other big news. After Reed was injured in April we came to the quick realization that his career in the Army was over and that it was time to think about where we wanted to settle down and raise our soon to be expanding family. After many hours of discussion and weighing the pros and cons we have decided to stay here. We both love Interior Alaska despite the cold and dark winters. We love the pace of life up here, the people and I have a great job. That being said we decided to purchase a house that way we can use the BAH from the Army to pay the mortgage and then we'll have a place when he gets out next year. We started the process Mother's Day weekend and didn't expect to find anything for a while. I actually didn't want to move until after our little lady arrived. However, we ended up finding a house that fit almost 100% of our wants that next week and that weekend we put in an offer for that house. Right now we are in contract on the house and are waiting on a couple of pieces of paper to come in for the final approval of our mortgage. If all goes as planned we will be moving into our new house in 3 weeks! I can't believe that at 31 weeks pregnant we are going to be moving. The house will be the perfect place for our little girl to grow up and our dogs to run and play.
I feel it's time to "let the cat out of the bag" so to speak about our other big news. After Reed was injured in April we came to the quick realization that his career in the Army was over and that it was time to think about where we wanted to settle down and raise our soon to be expanding family. After many hours of discussion and weighing the pros and cons we have decided to stay here. We both love Interior Alaska despite the cold and dark winters. We love the pace of life up here, the people and I have a great job. That being said we decided to purchase a house that way we can use the BAH from the Army to pay the mortgage and then we'll have a place when he gets out next year. We started the process Mother's Day weekend and didn't expect to find anything for a while. I actually didn't want to move until after our little lady arrived. However, we ended up finding a house that fit almost 100% of our wants that next week and that weekend we put in an offer for that house. Right now we are in contract on the house and are waiting on a couple of pieces of paper to come in for the final approval of our mortgage. If all goes as planned we will be moving into our new house in 3 weeks! I can't believe that at 31 weeks pregnant we are going to be moving. The house will be the perfect place for our little girl to grow up and our dogs to run and play.
June 4, 2014
Hanging on
I'm 28 weeks and 2 days today and things are getting more challenging by the day for me. I'm so overwhelmed on a daily basis.
At my OB appointment last week my resting heart rate was 120, despite sitting there laughing and chatting with my OB for 10 or more minutes prior. Actually, lets back up a bit. Around 14-15 weeks I started feeling my heart racing and around 18 weeks felt it start skipping. So I was sent to the cardiologist. After wearing a monitor for 30 days that would record my heart rate and rhythm when I felt abnormal I followed up with the cardiologist. I was well aware of the fact that I would have challenges with my heart during a pregnancy, it was a matter of when not if for me. He said that what he thought I had going on was not something that can be treated during pregnancy. However, my magnesium level was low. He said it was 1.4 and they don't like it less than 1.7. So he decided to put me on oral magnesium tablets. I took them twice a day for a week and had my level rechecked. Unfortunately, it didn't go up at all, so he increased me to 3 times a day. I was able to do that pretty consistently for a couple of days; then the misery started. For those who aren't familiar oral magnesium is frequently used as a laxative (think Milk of Mag). Let's just say that I quickly became very dehydrated and nauseated. I was so dehydrated last week that I had my OB just on our little lady because I stopped feeling her move. She checked out just fine, but he told me that if I didn't feel her move twice in 8 hours to call him since it was the weekend. I followed up with him at my regularly scheduled appointment that next week (where the story started earlier) and we decided that since I wasn't tolerating the oral magnesium and wasn't seeing an improvement in my symptoms that he would start me on a beta blocker and I would stop taking the magnesium as frequently. I'll be honest, since my appointment with OB I've only taken the magnesium once or twice and each time had the same miserable side effect. My cardiology nurse called the next day to see how I was doing and I let her know what had happened so she got an order for me to have an IV infusion of magnesium. I had that infusion this morning and this afternoon feel miserable. I'm going to attribute it to the magnesium infusion because I have heard that it can make you feel "mag crappy." I took my beta blocker this morning, but this afternoon just sitting at my desk my heart rate is at least 120, I'm shaky and insanely hot. I would give anything to be in a cold air conditioned room with ice cream right now. I'm supposed to go back next week and have my level rechecked and I pray that it has gone up because I don't want to do another infusion, I just want to feel better.
On top of the heart issues going on insomnia has set in majorly! I don't remember the last time that I had a good night's sleep. I think part of the insomnia is the typical third trimester insomnia everyone talks about, but I think a bigger part of it is the stress I have right now. Last night I sat in bed and watched my husband and two dogs snooze away while I was wide awake despite taking a Benadryl.
Then there is my husband's health issue. While he was away at training 7.5 weeks ago he broke his ankle. It was a very severe break, he was rushed to emergency surgery that afternoon and came out with at least 10 screws and a plate. In typical Army medicine fashion when they put on his post-op they didn't position his foot properly so he ended up with mild heal cord contraction (essentially foot drop)that was discovered at his initial 2 week follow up. Due to that they were unable to put him in a cast so they resplinted him for his trip back to Alaska and we followed up with ortho here at the end of that week. They stretched him as far as he could tolerate, but still didn't get his foot to neutral so he had to go back 2 weeks later for yet another cast. By the time we was put in that cast he was able to go almost completely to neutral, but still had mild contraction. Today was his follow up with x-rays where he was supposed to be given the clear to transition to a boot and start gradually weight bearing. Well, that didn't happen. Apparently he hadn't had enough bone growth so he is back in the cast for 2 weeks. At that point he will most likely get repeat x-rays and we're crossing our fingers for the clearance to start weight bearing. I haven't seen him or even really talked to him since his appointment this morning because of my infusion, but I know he's upset. Being so limited with his activities and such has really got him down, especially since it's summer in Alaska. On top of all that they want to take Reed back to surgery in the middle of July to remove a screw from his heel. She told us at his last appointment (before today) that he should be recovered just fine by the time the baby is born, but now I'm even more doubtful than I was initially. The screw isn't something that has to come out, half of the ortho surgeons remove it and the other half leave it in. If you leave it in it can break and cause irritation. Reed really wants to have it removed. He's even crazy enough to talk about having the hardware removed once he is good and healed because he's worried about what it will feel like at -40. I think he'll be fine with it in and don't even want to discuss taking everything out at this point, but I do understand why he wants to have the screw removed. However, I'm going to ask him he if can convince them to wait until after the baby is born and my parents or sister are here because I don't want to take the chance of him not being off crutches and unable to really help when the baby is born. We've briefly discussed that before, but after today I think it's definitely something to consider, now just to convince him and the doctor.
On top of our health issues we made the crazy decision to buy a house. We haven't really told many people about it because we know that the timing is not ideal, but then again is it ever ideal? We started looking at houses Mother's Day weekend, ended up finding a house that next weekend and putting in an offer on it that next weekend. Right now we are waiting on final approval for our mortgage and if all goes through and as we plan we will close on the house in just under 4 weeks. Can you say crazy?!? We are currently scheduled to close on the house when I'm 32 weeks pregnant and my husband is unable to walk. While the idea of our own place with no shared walls and immature neighbors who think yelling at each other a 0230 is acceptable, we both recognize that the timing qualifies us as certifiably insane!
Reed has been so overwhelmed with everything because he is unable to really help me with anything that he has asked his dad to come stay with us for a while. He will be here next Thursday and while I think it's going to be stressful for me I'm also starting to recognize how much we really do need the help. My father-in-law is not in the best health himself, but he's great at keeping Reed calm and finding positivity among chaos. As of right now we don't know when he is going to go back home but I think Reed is expecting him to stay at least a month. Again, that thought terrifies me, but I'm trying to remind myself that we need the help.
On a positive note we have our elective 3D/4D for our little lady on Monday. I cannot wait to see her! I hope that she cooperates with us and gives us good pictures.
At my OB appointment last week my resting heart rate was 120, despite sitting there laughing and chatting with my OB for 10 or more minutes prior. Actually, lets back up a bit. Around 14-15 weeks I started feeling my heart racing and around 18 weeks felt it start skipping. So I was sent to the cardiologist. After wearing a monitor for 30 days that would record my heart rate and rhythm when I felt abnormal I followed up with the cardiologist. I was well aware of the fact that I would have challenges with my heart during a pregnancy, it was a matter of when not if for me. He said that what he thought I had going on was not something that can be treated during pregnancy. However, my magnesium level was low. He said it was 1.4 and they don't like it less than 1.7. So he decided to put me on oral magnesium tablets. I took them twice a day for a week and had my level rechecked. Unfortunately, it didn't go up at all, so he increased me to 3 times a day. I was able to do that pretty consistently for a couple of days; then the misery started. For those who aren't familiar oral magnesium is frequently used as a laxative (think Milk of Mag). Let's just say that I quickly became very dehydrated and nauseated. I was so dehydrated last week that I had my OB just on our little lady because I stopped feeling her move. She checked out just fine, but he told me that if I didn't feel her move twice in 8 hours to call him since it was the weekend. I followed up with him at my regularly scheduled appointment that next week (where the story started earlier) and we decided that since I wasn't tolerating the oral magnesium and wasn't seeing an improvement in my symptoms that he would start me on a beta blocker and I would stop taking the magnesium as frequently. I'll be honest, since my appointment with OB I've only taken the magnesium once or twice and each time had the same miserable side effect. My cardiology nurse called the next day to see how I was doing and I let her know what had happened so she got an order for me to have an IV infusion of magnesium. I had that infusion this morning and this afternoon feel miserable. I'm going to attribute it to the magnesium infusion because I have heard that it can make you feel "mag crappy." I took my beta blocker this morning, but this afternoon just sitting at my desk my heart rate is at least 120, I'm shaky and insanely hot. I would give anything to be in a cold air conditioned room with ice cream right now. I'm supposed to go back next week and have my level rechecked and I pray that it has gone up because I don't want to do another infusion, I just want to feel better.
On top of the heart issues going on insomnia has set in majorly! I don't remember the last time that I had a good night's sleep. I think part of the insomnia is the typical third trimester insomnia everyone talks about, but I think a bigger part of it is the stress I have right now. Last night I sat in bed and watched my husband and two dogs snooze away while I was wide awake despite taking a Benadryl.
Then there is my husband's health issue. While he was away at training 7.5 weeks ago he broke his ankle. It was a very severe break, he was rushed to emergency surgery that afternoon and came out with at least 10 screws and a plate. In typical Army medicine fashion when they put on his post-op they didn't position his foot properly so he ended up with mild heal cord contraction (essentially foot drop)that was discovered at his initial 2 week follow up. Due to that they were unable to put him in a cast so they resplinted him for his trip back to Alaska and we followed up with ortho here at the end of that week. They stretched him as far as he could tolerate, but still didn't get his foot to neutral so he had to go back 2 weeks later for yet another cast. By the time we was put in that cast he was able to go almost completely to neutral, but still had mild contraction. Today was his follow up with x-rays where he was supposed to be given the clear to transition to a boot and start gradually weight bearing. Well, that didn't happen. Apparently he hadn't had enough bone growth so he is back in the cast for 2 weeks. At that point he will most likely get repeat x-rays and we're crossing our fingers for the clearance to start weight bearing. I haven't seen him or even really talked to him since his appointment this morning because of my infusion, but I know he's upset. Being so limited with his activities and such has really got him down, especially since it's summer in Alaska. On top of all that they want to take Reed back to surgery in the middle of July to remove a screw from his heel. She told us at his last appointment (before today) that he should be recovered just fine by the time the baby is born, but now I'm even more doubtful than I was initially. The screw isn't something that has to come out, half of the ortho surgeons remove it and the other half leave it in. If you leave it in it can break and cause irritation. Reed really wants to have it removed. He's even crazy enough to talk about having the hardware removed once he is good and healed because he's worried about what it will feel like at -40. I think he'll be fine with it in and don't even want to discuss taking everything out at this point, but I do understand why he wants to have the screw removed. However, I'm going to ask him he if can convince them to wait until after the baby is born and my parents or sister are here because I don't want to take the chance of him not being off crutches and unable to really help when the baby is born. We've briefly discussed that before, but after today I think it's definitely something to consider, now just to convince him and the doctor.
On top of our health issues we made the crazy decision to buy a house. We haven't really told many people about it because we know that the timing is not ideal, but then again is it ever ideal? We started looking at houses Mother's Day weekend, ended up finding a house that next weekend and putting in an offer on it that next weekend. Right now we are waiting on final approval for our mortgage and if all goes through and as we plan we will close on the house in just under 4 weeks. Can you say crazy?!? We are currently scheduled to close on the house when I'm 32 weeks pregnant and my husband is unable to walk. While the idea of our own place with no shared walls and immature neighbors who think yelling at each other a 0230 is acceptable, we both recognize that the timing qualifies us as certifiably insane!
Reed has been so overwhelmed with everything because he is unable to really help me with anything that he has asked his dad to come stay with us for a while. He will be here next Thursday and while I think it's going to be stressful for me I'm also starting to recognize how much we really do need the help. My father-in-law is not in the best health himself, but he's great at keeping Reed calm and finding positivity among chaos. As of right now we don't know when he is going to go back home but I think Reed is expecting him to stay at least a month. Again, that thought terrifies me, but I'm trying to remind myself that we need the help.
On a positive note we have our elective 3D/4D for our little lady on Monday. I cannot wait to see her! I hope that she cooperates with us and gives us good pictures.
May 6, 2014
Glucose Testing & Fetal Echos
Yesterday I had both my 1 hour glucose test and the fetal echo for our little lady. The glucose test was not nearly as bad as I had worked it up in my mind to bed, and thankfully I passed. I don't know if I would've tolerated drinking any more of that lovely orange drink or to have gone in fasting and unable to eat for an additional three hours for the test. About 30 minutes after I finished my drink it felt like our little lady was having quite the party in there. I loved it. I absolutely love feeling her move and squirm around. That afternoon we had her fetal echo. My OB decided to go ahead and order one for her to make sure her heart looked ok since I have a history of a congenital heart defect. She is typically really active between 1600 and 1800, and her echo was at 1630. I didn't think anything of it. She was so active I couldn't help but laugh as the ultrasound technician tried to measure her little baby heart and see everything. Our little wiggle worm would rest for a brief moment and the ultrasound tech would have the perfect view of something and as soon as she would go to measure or whatever she needed to do at that point and our wiggle worm would move. The tech would then sigh and try to chase down the wiggle worm. I don't know what was more fun: getting to see her and watch her moving around or listening to the tech try to do her job. The tech was amazing though and kept a great sense of humor through the whole thing. While they didn't get to visualize everything like they like to or do all the measurements they wanted they said that her heart looked great. The heart defect that I had isn't found until after birth however, so we'll see if they do any testing after she's born to check her heart and make sure everything is normal. The only down side to her being so wiggly is that all the pictures that we got of her yesterday are blurry. I'm ok with that though. Sure they aren't awesome for everyone else to see, but Reed and I got to see her clearly. My favorite thing that we saw yesterday was her playing with her hands in front of her face. It was fun watching her start sucking her thumb, then decided to clap her hands a little and then just wave them around. I'm so in love with this little girl already it's unreal!
May 5, 2014
24 Weeks
How far along: 24 weeks
Total weight gain? 2.7 lbs
Maternity clothes? Most definitely. My family was awesome enough to go get some for me since there are no stores up here that sell maternity clothes really and I'm hesitant to buy them online because I'm picky. Thankfully my sister knows my taste very well and I now have some comfortable clothes that aren't t-shirts.
Stretch marks? Yes, but I have embraced them. I'm so happy to be pregnant finally that they don't bother me at all.
Sleep: Insomnia and generalized discomfort have definitely set in.
Best moment this week: Passing the glucose test
Miss anything? Not really. I'm thoroughly enjoying this stage of pregnancy
Food cravings: Same craving for cherries, and not PB&J sandwiches and soft serve ice cream. (I've been holding back from the ice cream until I got my glucose results back, so that's my treat for today)
Anything make you queasy or sick? Nothing
Gender: GIRL!!
Labor Signs: None.
Symptoms: Starting to have more of a hard time breathing at times, insomnia, and generalized discomfort at the end of the day
Belly button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: We have her fetal echo this afternoon to make sure that her heart is healthy given my heart history. I'm looking forward to getting to see her again, but super nervous they will find something wrong.
Total weight gain? 2.7 lbs
Maternity clothes? Most definitely. My family was awesome enough to go get some for me since there are no stores up here that sell maternity clothes really and I'm hesitant to buy them online because I'm picky. Thankfully my sister knows my taste very well and I now have some comfortable clothes that aren't t-shirts.
Stretch marks? Yes, but I have embraced them. I'm so happy to be pregnant finally that they don't bother me at all.
Sleep: Insomnia and generalized discomfort have definitely set in.
Best moment this week: Passing the glucose test
Miss anything? Not really. I'm thoroughly enjoying this stage of pregnancy
Food cravings: Same craving for cherries, and not PB&J sandwiches and soft serve ice cream. (I've been holding back from the ice cream until I got my glucose results back, so that's my treat for today)
Anything make you queasy or sick? Nothing
Gender: GIRL!!
Labor Signs: None.
Symptoms: Starting to have more of a hard time breathing at times, insomnia, and generalized discomfort at the end of the day
Belly button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: We have her fetal echo this afternoon to make sure that her heart is healthy given my heart history. I'm looking forward to getting to see her again, but super nervous they will find something wrong.
March 27, 2014
It's a....
BABY GIRL!! We're so excited! I've said from the beginning that it was a girl. I have to say that getting to watch her move all over the place during the ultrasounds is one of my favorite things so far. I can't wait for the day that I can start feeling her move around.
How far along: 18 weeks 3 days today.
Total weight gain? According to the scale at home still just over 1 pound
Maternity clothes? Still find the tops very comfy. Unfortunatly, my prepregnancy jeans are not working for me anymore, thankfully I found a pair of maternity jeans that fit. Still can wear all my normal work clothes.
Stretch marks? None yet
Sleep: Nights have become a little more restless, I still manage to sleep most of the night, but it definitely isn't restful sleep
Best moment this week: Anatomy scan and see our little girl!
Miss anything? I really miss being able to sleep on my stomach and assist in the OR. Although I'm going to try going back to the OR next week and see how it goes.
Food cravings: Still those cherries. I can't wait for late spring & summer when fresh produce (especially fruit) is available.
Anything make you queasy or sick? I can't think of one thing in particular.
Gender: GIRL!!
Labor Signs: None.
Symptoms: Still having some round ligament pain.
Belly button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: Being able to feel her move.
How far along: 18 weeks 3 days today.
Total weight gain? According to the scale at home still just over 1 pound
Maternity clothes? Still find the tops very comfy. Unfortunatly, my prepregnancy jeans are not working for me anymore, thankfully I found a pair of maternity jeans that fit. Still can wear all my normal work clothes.
Stretch marks? None yet
Sleep: Nights have become a little more restless, I still manage to sleep most of the night, but it definitely isn't restful sleep
Best moment this week: Anatomy scan and see our little girl!
Miss anything? I really miss being able to sleep on my stomach and assist in the OR. Although I'm going to try going back to the OR next week and see how it goes.
Food cravings: Still those cherries. I can't wait for late spring & summer when fresh produce (especially fruit) is available.
Anything make you queasy or sick? I can't think of one thing in particular.
Gender: GIRL!!
Labor Signs: None.
Symptoms: Still having some round ligament pain.
Belly button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: Being able to feel her move.
March 13, 2014
Almost 17 weeks
I can't believe that on Monday I will be 17 weeks! I'm finally starting to feel a little more human. I don't have near the nausea and vomiting that I did have. This week has been a little rough though due to stupid work stresses, my family coming in town and feeling like things have to be perfect around the house, those great pregnancy hormones and still being crazy tired. Does the fatigue ever get better and am I looking at being tired until this child moves out? I'm kidding, well kind of. I still feel like I sleep pretty good at night, but keep finding myself on my back. I try going to sleep on one side or the other, but every night I wake up randomly and find myself on my back. I'm trying not to stress about that too much with the theory that my body will take care of itself and not allow me to stay on my back if it's causing problems. Back to the fatigue...goodness. I can make it through 1/2 the day on good days before I feel ready to pass out. It seemed to have gotten better for a while, but is bad again. I honestly think part of it though is the above mentioned stress.
How far along: 16 weeks 3 days today, I haven't started taking any bump pictures yet because I had enough fluff pre-pregnancy that I feel like I still look just fat and not pregnant.
Total weight gain? Just a a little over a pound according to my scale at home. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I started weighing myself almost daily because I knew that since I was overweight to start with I shouldn't gain much more than 15 lbs. I lost almost 18 pounds in my first trimester due to the intense nausea/vomiting, so I guess technically I still haven't gained anything.
Maternity clothes? I have to admit I love maternity tops. I randomly put on a pair of maternity jeans this last weekend, and although they were a bit big, I can say that I'm not looking forward to having to wear those.
Stretch marks? Still none... so far. But, I can absolutely feel my skin really starting to stretch, so we'll see.
Sleep: Still sleeping quite comfortably although my big baby, Jackson, gets booted to the floor most nights.
Best moment this week:
Miss anything? I really miss being able to sleep on my stomach and assist in the OR. Almost 2 weeks ago I went to the OR as normal, scrubbed in to assist in the surgeries and within an hour of starting 2 of our 3 cases that day I had to break scrub and leave because I got overwhelmingly hot. I've been too scared to go back since. I feel so guilty having to leave in the middle of the case because I take an active role in assisting in each case and I feel like I throw off everything by having to leave. My surgeon is so good about it though. My OB said that the crazy hotness tends to get better around 18 weeks so I figure in a couple of weeks will try again.
Food cravings: Cherries! Those yummy ones from Washington with the pits in them. I found a bag right after I found out I was pregnant and thoroughly enjoyed them and have craved them since. Unfortunately everything is so seasonal in Alaska to start with and those are definitely a season fruit that I can't get them.
Anything make you queasy or sick? I can't think of one thing in particular. The smell of cooking buffalo is not awesome(we use ground buffalo rather than ground beef).
Gender: Any one's guess still. For the majority of the time so far I thought I was having a girl, but recently I've started to think it's a boy. I've had super vivid dreams of both so who knows. Hopefully we'll find out in a little over a week. My family tends to think it's a girl and everyone at work thinks it's a boy.
Labor Signs: None. Yesterday I did have a lot of cramping, which was scary, but thankfully it went away. I think it was from doing too much around the house.
Symptoms: Ligament pain!! Holy cow! That stuff is no joke. Other than that headaches once and a while, increased appetite and fatigue.
Belly button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: Spending time with family this coming week, feeling the baby move (although realistically that is probably still a ways out) and the anatomy scan
How far along: 16 weeks 3 days today, I haven't started taking any bump pictures yet because I had enough fluff pre-pregnancy that I feel like I still look just fat and not pregnant.
Total weight gain? Just a a little over a pound according to my scale at home. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I started weighing myself almost daily because I knew that since I was overweight to start with I shouldn't gain much more than 15 lbs. I lost almost 18 pounds in my first trimester due to the intense nausea/vomiting, so I guess technically I still haven't gained anything.
Maternity clothes? I have to admit I love maternity tops. I randomly put on a pair of maternity jeans this last weekend, and although they were a bit big, I can say that I'm not looking forward to having to wear those.
Stretch marks? Still none... so far. But, I can absolutely feel my skin really starting to stretch, so we'll see.
Sleep: Still sleeping quite comfortably although my big baby, Jackson, gets booted to the floor most nights.
Best moment this week:
Miss anything? I really miss being able to sleep on my stomach and assist in the OR. Almost 2 weeks ago I went to the OR as normal, scrubbed in to assist in the surgeries and within an hour of starting 2 of our 3 cases that day I had to break scrub and leave because I got overwhelmingly hot. I've been too scared to go back since. I feel so guilty having to leave in the middle of the case because I take an active role in assisting in each case and I feel like I throw off everything by having to leave. My surgeon is so good about it though. My OB said that the crazy hotness tends to get better around 18 weeks so I figure in a couple of weeks will try again.
Food cravings: Cherries! Those yummy ones from Washington with the pits in them. I found a bag right after I found out I was pregnant and thoroughly enjoyed them and have craved them since. Unfortunately everything is so seasonal in Alaska to start with and those are definitely a season fruit that I can't get them.
Anything make you queasy or sick? I can't think of one thing in particular. The smell of cooking buffalo is not awesome(we use ground buffalo rather than ground beef).
Gender: Any one's guess still. For the majority of the time so far I thought I was having a girl, but recently I've started to think it's a boy. I've had super vivid dreams of both so who knows. Hopefully we'll find out in a little over a week. My family tends to think it's a girl and everyone at work thinks it's a boy.
Labor Signs: None. Yesterday I did have a lot of cramping, which was scary, but thankfully it went away. I think it was from doing too much around the house.
Symptoms: Ligament pain!! Holy cow! That stuff is no joke. Other than that headaches once and a while, increased appetite and fatigue.
Belly button in or out? In.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: Spending time with family this coming week, feeling the baby move (although realistically that is probably still a ways out) and the anatomy scan
February 10, 2014
Miracles do occur!
My whole life I've had my doubts about miracles. They seem so unreal to me. I believe in coincidences, but not miracles. I especially gave up any small lingering hope of miracles when month after month AF came and I watched everyone around me getting pregnant and having babies. That all changed on 12/19/13. After having a crazy intense dream of taking 5 pregnancy tests and getting all BFPs I decided to go ahead a take one that morning. I figured I hadn't started yet, but given my irregular cycles and first time taking Femara I didn't know when to expect it. Plus I had plenty of cheapie tests so why not. Almost instantly the 2 lines appeared. I started shaking like crazy and suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe! This couldn't be real! I don't get positive tests. I instantly tried calling Reed because he had already left for PT. I knew that he was going to sick call that morning, but of course he didn't answer. I called my sister, but I had to talk to someone. I told her what was going on and text her a picture of the test. She confirmed that there was indeed a second line and it was positive. I had to be at work early that morning because we had a surgery so I put a FRER test in my pocket and said I would take it the next time I had to go and if it was positive I would believe it. Thankfully Reed came home right before I left. I showed him the test and told him I was pregnant and he just stared at me and the test in disbelief. He told me that he wouldn't believe it until he had secondary or even tertiary proof. So off to the hospital I went and right after I walked inside from the cold I had to go again so I did the second test. Again positive! I wanted to run home instantly and show Reed, but of course I had a job to do so I threw the test in my pocket and headed to change for the OR. After we finished our case I went to the lab and had blood drawn to confirm and later that afternoon the nurse called to confirm that I was indeed pregnant! This pregnancy is most definitely a miracle baby! We had given up hope of that cycle working because my doctor wouldn't do the IUI because of Thanksgiving and the entire week that I was fertile Reed was studying and had promotion boards so his stress level was crazy high! I still did my opk's because I had them. Once I finally got the positive Reed had already taken his Ambien and gone to bed. We made sure to bd that next night, but I was positive that it wasn't going to work. However it did and I'm happy to announce that I'm currently 11w6d with a very healthy baby!
December 6, 2013
10 Facts
I'm sure that anyone on Facebook has seen the new "game" going around where women are sharing their facts about their pregnancies. I, unfortunately, had never been pregnant. However, I am part of an amazing infertility support group on Facebook that has taken that game, and made it into "10 Facts about my Infertility." Here are my 10 facts.
1. I have been off birth control since March 2010, but due to basic training and a deployment we have only been actively TTC for 2 years
2. I have had 5 rounds of clomid and 1 round of Femara.
3. I've done 3 IUIs.
4. We have 'slight' MFI, but I think that there is more to it than they think due to a groin injury my husband received by deployed. However, no one will investigate that.
5. During deployment I had 3 really close girlfriends and none of the 4 of us had children. I was the only one that wanted a child, but now I am the only one that doesn't have one. (One girl is ever pregnant with her second child!)
6. Before we started infertility treatments, I ovulated on my own despite having long irregular periods, since starting I have not ovulated on my own at all.
7. I have gained at least 20 pounds since starting treatments and know that it part of way I am not ovulating anymore.
8. While I may not act happy and through a celebration for other when I find out they are pregnant, I am really very happy for them. I usually send them a message that says such, but they never believe me because I can't express my happiness. I have a hard time expressing that happiness for them because I'm dying on the inside.
9. I honestly feel like I will never have a biological child or know what it feels like to see two pink lines.
10. I am the only one in my family to have fertility problems.
1. I have been off birth control since March 2010, but due to basic training and a deployment we have only been actively TTC for 2 years
2. I have had 5 rounds of clomid and 1 round of Femara.
3. I've done 3 IUIs.
4. We have 'slight' MFI, but I think that there is more to it than they think due to a groin injury my husband received by deployed. However, no one will investigate that.
5. During deployment I had 3 really close girlfriends and none of the 4 of us had children. I was the only one that wanted a child, but now I am the only one that doesn't have one. (One girl is ever pregnant with her second child!)
6. Before we started infertility treatments, I ovulated on my own despite having long irregular periods, since starting I have not ovulated on my own at all.
7. I have gained at least 20 pounds since starting treatments and know that it part of way I am not ovulating anymore.
8. While I may not act happy and through a celebration for other when I find out they are pregnant, I am really very happy for them. I usually send them a message that says such, but they never believe me because I can't express my happiness. I have a hard time expressing that happiness for them because I'm dying on the inside.
9. I honestly feel like I will never have a biological child or know what it feels like to see two pink lines.
10. I am the only one in my family to have fertility problems.
November 26, 2013
Same story different month
Today I had my follicle scan. I knew when they scheduled my appointment for today it wasn't going to work. If I know one thing it's my body. However, due the the holidays and the clinic's schedule I had to come in today to have any hope of an IUI this cycle. She found that I only have 1 dominate follicle on my left at it's only 1cm. It has to be at least 1.8cm in order to trigger and do the IUI. We initially discussed having me come back tomorrow and see how much they have grown. However after having time to think about it I would rather just do timed intercourse and have a day 21 progesterone drawn to see if I ovulated. I'm so frustrated at this point! I'm tired of going through all this and putting not only my self, but my husband through it. I want to know why I can't conceive and why I have stopped ovulating on my own. If I am honest with myself I know that I have stopped ovulating because of my weight. However I can't find the motivation to do the extreme diet and exercise I have to do in order to lose weight. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of venting about all this to my co-worker. She used to be really supportive of me. She went through "sub fertility" 20 years ago and was pregnant 7 times before she was able to have her 2 children. However, recently she keeps telling me that it isn't going to work because I'm too worked up and stressed about it. Honestly, I don't feel like I'm stressed about it really. Yeah sure I keep track of what day I'm on, but I don't obsess about it the way that I used to. Yes I do opk's and, until the dog at my thermometer, was doing my bbt daily, but I don't really see that as stressing over it. Her advise to me this morning was to have a couple of drinks and relax over Thanksgiving. First of all, that wasn't helpful and kind of hurt actually. Secondly, I can't drink anymore. I used to be able to have a couple of drinks occasionally, but now even just one drink will trigger a migraine for me. When I pointed that out she rolled her eyes at me and told me that I just need to chill out. Are you kidding me?!? I know that she feel positive that I will have two children, but still. I'm so tired of people telling me to chill out about this! I just want to cry, but unfortunately I'm stuck at work for another 6 hours. I feel like such a fat failure today. When I look in the mirror all I see is an obese failure of a woman. I wish I had the ability to take a mental health day from work, but we do get Thursday and Friday off so that will be a nice break.
November 25, 2013
Fingers Crossed
Tomorrow is cd11 and my doctor wants me to come in for a follicle scan. She thinks that they will be mature enough for me to trigger tomorrow and do the IUI on Wednesday. I have my doubts, but we shall see. I started doing opk's last night and while it was a negative, it was a fairly dark line, much darker than I ever got last month. Maybe she will be right and they will be mature enough to do the IUI Wednesday.
One of the things that we do as a hobby is take pictures. Typically we just do so for ourselves, however last year we took some for a friend of mine for her Christmas cards. Well she liked them enough to ask us to do them for her again this year. Last year we took lovely pictures at a local park. However this year was challenging because she wanted to do it during a walk with reindeer. Trying to get good pictures of them with reindeer proved to be challenging. We ended up with several shots where the antlers were covering at least one of their faces, but we did get some good pictures as well. If you ever travel to the Fairbanks area I highly recommend doing the walk with reindeer. Running Reindeer Ranch is open year around and not only do you get to walk and interact with the reindeer, but after the walk the couple invites you into their house for a warm drink and they teach you about reindeer. It's a lot of fun and very educational.
One of the things that we do as a hobby is take pictures. Typically we just do so for ourselves, however last year we took some for a friend of mine for her Christmas cards. Well she liked them enough to ask us to do them for her again this year. Last year we took lovely pictures at a local park. However this year was challenging because she wanted to do it during a walk with reindeer. Trying to get good pictures of them with reindeer proved to be challenging. We ended up with several shots where the antlers were covering at least one of their faces, but we did get some good pictures as well. If you ever travel to the Fairbanks area I highly recommend doing the walk with reindeer. Running Reindeer Ranch is open year around and not only do you get to walk and interact with the reindeer, but after the walk the couple invites you into their house for a warm drink and they teach you about reindeer. It's a lot of fun and very educational.
November 18, 2013
Tired & Angry
For the last two days I've been very angry. I'm so sick of not being able to be a mom. I was there for one of my friends while she miscarried last week, and am currently helping another one deal with a possible miscarriage. However, are they there for me? Hell no!I'm tired of being used! I'm tired of people running to me with all their pregnancy questions because I'm a nurse and know a lot due to my tireless research because of our infertility. It's totally different if they are there to support me as well. My neighbor is amazing like that! She talks to me about her pregnancies and concerns and I help her through them, then she asks me how our treatments are going and what the next step is and such. She is totally supportive of me. I don't know how to get over my anger. I can't block myself off from everyone, that's not healthy. However, it also isn't healthy to hold in my anger.
Another thing fueling my anger is my husband's lack of boundaries. One of his soldiers spends more time at our house than anywhere else. In the last 10 days, my husband and I have had 1 evening to ourselves, the other 9 this guy was there. Don't get me wrong he's a nice guy and helps out around the house a lot, but I feel like 9 nights out of 10 is a bit much for anyone.
On top of that AF finally decided to make her appearance on Saturday. Unfortunately, based on my stupid doctor's rule of not doing anything on weekends or holidays we won't get to do an IUI this month. I was so upset when AF showed up because I knew that was going to happen. I went ahead and called to schedule my day 12 ultrasound, but surprise, surprise, she is totally booked that day. I'm afraid she won't even do it since there is no chance for an IUI. If that's the case then I'm going to see if one of the doctors I used to work with would do a scan for me to see if anything is growing. I know that they can't do the IUI, but I would like to know if my follicles are even responding since this will be the first cycle with this medication.
Another thing fueling my anger is my husband's lack of boundaries. One of his soldiers spends more time at our house than anywhere else. In the last 10 days, my husband and I have had 1 evening to ourselves, the other 9 this guy was there. Don't get me wrong he's a nice guy and helps out around the house a lot, but I feel like 9 nights out of 10 is a bit much for anyone.
On top of that AF finally decided to make her appearance on Saturday. Unfortunately, based on my stupid doctor's rule of not doing anything on weekends or holidays we won't get to do an IUI this month. I was so upset when AF showed up because I knew that was going to happen. I went ahead and called to schedule my day 12 ultrasound, but surprise, surprise, she is totally booked that day. I'm afraid she won't even do it since there is no chance for an IUI. If that's the case then I'm going to see if one of the doctors I used to work with would do a scan for me to see if anything is growing. I know that they can't do the IUI, but I would like to know if my follicles are even responding since this will be the first cycle with this medication.
November 11, 2013
Adoption No Go
Well our adoption meeting on Friday was absolutely horrible! We left there and both agreed that adoption wasn't for us. The Reed shocked the crap outta me and said that he would rather try several rounds of IVF before looking into adoption again. What a huge change! Last year at this time he didn't want anything to do with IVF.
Here's the details on our adoption appointment. We show up at 1300, my poor husband sounded so sick and was totally exhausted from being in the field all week, and go to the door to find the building locked. As we are halfway back to the car (because it's cold and snowing) someone comes running to open the door for us. We proceed to tell them why they are they and they go to tell the lady that we're there and tell us it'll be a few minutes. Twenty minutes passes and we are about to leave when the lady at the desk decides to finally call the lady we were supposed to meet with to tell us that we were there because she isn't even in the building!! Seriously?!? Finally we get back to the lady's office (30 minutes late) and proceed with the "interview." We find out that we are at the top of their bracket for income so it'll cost us $21,500 to adopt. Ugh! Then she is telling us about a couple who adopted from overseas to show us the difference in the process and in the middle of the story says that they are adopting because they care about children, not because they can't conceive. I was so hurt by that! I felt like she was telling us that we didn't care about kids! Are you kidding me?!? Do you know what we have put ourselves through in order to have a child of our own?!? Do not ever tell me that I don't care about kids because I wouldn't be doing everything that I'm doing if I didn't care! After that I honestly stopped listening and did everything I could to keep from crying.
As soon as we walked out of that office we decided that we would NEVER go through them to adopt a child. If we do decide to look into adoption again then we will look to other agencies in the lower 48. However, we're going to keep our fingers crossed that this next round of IUI with Femara with work. Just waiting on AF to arrive now.
Here's the details on our adoption appointment. We show up at 1300, my poor husband sounded so sick and was totally exhausted from being in the field all week, and go to the door to find the building locked. As we are halfway back to the car (because it's cold and snowing) someone comes running to open the door for us. We proceed to tell them why they are they and they go to tell the lady that we're there and tell us it'll be a few minutes. Twenty minutes passes and we are about to leave when the lady at the desk decides to finally call the lady we were supposed to meet with to tell us that we were there because she isn't even in the building!! Seriously?!? Finally we get back to the lady's office (30 minutes late) and proceed with the "interview." We find out that we are at the top of their bracket for income so it'll cost us $21,500 to adopt. Ugh! Then she is telling us about a couple who adopted from overseas to show us the difference in the process and in the middle of the story says that they are adopting because they care about children, not because they can't conceive. I was so hurt by that! I felt like she was telling us that we didn't care about kids! Are you kidding me?!? Do you know what we have put ourselves through in order to have a child of our own?!? Do not ever tell me that I don't care about kids because I wouldn't be doing everything that I'm doing if I didn't care! After that I honestly stopped listening and did everything I could to keep from crying.
As soon as we walked out of that office we decided that we would NEVER go through them to adopt a child. If we do decide to look into adoption again then we will look to other agencies in the lower 48. However, we're going to keep our fingers crossed that this next round of IUI with Femara with work. Just waiting on AF to arrive now.
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