Still nothing

I've been so down about this whole infertility thing recently I haven't even felt like writing anything. I'm still really down. I just don't get it. Why can't I have a child? I'm starting to think that maybe I would be a good mother and that's why. It's so painful working in OB-Gyn and seeing all the pregnant women and our post-partum patients with their new, beautiful babies. We ha,.ve a patient who is going for a special abortion at 18 weeks down in Seattle. It makes me so angry! She was planning on aborting the baby very early in her pregnancy because it was making her really sick, but then that went away and the pregnancy "got easy" so she kept it. Now she's really sick again, think hyperemesis, and she is telling her family that it is either her life or the baby's and that's 100% false. Why do people like that get to be pregnant and I don't? I would take hyperemesis over infertility any day! My sister-in-law is a truly amazing woman, she had hyperemesis with both her pregnancies. She was on IV fluids and IV medications from 6 weeks until she delivered. That's what a true mother is!

I've been doing the acupuncture still. While I love it I think tomorrow is going to be my last session for a while. Unfortunately our insurance won't cover acupuncture I don't feel like we can realistically afford $130 every week. It's true that it relaxes me more than anything else I've ever done, but I've gotta be honest/realistic and realize that at this point it just it too much. We are wanting to save a lot in case I ever get pregnant so I will be able to stay home for a while with our baby.

I'm currently on cycle day 64 with no sign of af any time soon. I've taken several home pregnancy tests and all were negative and went for lab work recently and randomly did one that also came back negative. My acupuncturist and a naturopath doctor that she works with have done all kinds of things to start my cycle for the last month with nothing. I had irregular cycles before starting our infertility treatments back in December 2012, but nothing like this. Prior to now my cycles were typically between 33-36 days long with my longest cycle being 45 days. My ob-gyn that I have to see for infertility (I can't see an RE because our insurance won't pay for it and there isn't one at all in Alaska) immediately put me on Clomid 50mg despite the fact that I was ovulating on my own. Since being on the Clomid I feel like everything has been messed up. I have gained approx. 15-20 lbs since I started taking it, my mood/mental well being has taken a nose dive, my skin is breaking out like crazy and in the end I just told feel like myself anymore. Has anyone taken Clomid and felt this way then switched to a different medication and had success? I'm planning on doing research on different fertility medications like Clomid and asking if we can try one of those instead. Any advise would be much appreciated!

I'm so frustrated that we have been through 5 rounds of Clomid (4 with 50mg and 1 with 100mg), each time producing only one follicle, and 3 rounds of IUI with no success. I've never seen 2 pink lines. I feel like that is something that my doctor is missing, something that is causing our infertility that she is either blowing off or not looking into it. From our very first appointment with her last October I have asked if the trauma from my husband's IED accident could cause problems since he did have significant bruising and swelling in his groin as well as abrasions on his scrotum. I felt like she blew me off and belittled my feelings. I called the clinic a couple weeks ago and asked for a referral for a second opinion. Thanks to the "amazing" Army system I was told that they are not allowed to send me off post for something that they can do there. So they set me up with an appointment with an another provider. Reluctantly I agreed, but I'm still not very optimistic. I've heard from some other spouses on our base that she is very knowledgeable, but has a horrible bedside manner. Personally I don't care if she's friendly and chatting, I just want her to help me to get pregnant.