Reflections

Well, a new year has started. New Year's day is typically one of reflection on the previous year. 2011 has been a very challenging year for the Ward family. We started this year in Alaska together and were so thankful to finally be back together. I finally found a job in mid-January. I work in an orthopedic surgery clinic. While I love ortho pts this setting is much different than I was used to in the hospital. I have learned a lot from the clinic, but really miss the hospital. I must say though I work with some amazing people! Anyways, with the impending deployment Reed was facing he went down to California for training during the month of February. Let me tell you he was lucky to not be here! We had a crazy snow storm the last part of February that he was lucky enough to miss out on. Then came March and block leave. We had initially planned on coming back to Texas for block leave and seeing our families but that didn't really work out. Instead we ended up hanging out at home and making a trip to Anchorage. We had an amazing time together. Then unfortunately April came. I have decided that April is my least favorite month, not only did Reed leave for Afghanistan but a good friend of ours was killed in Iraq. Although Omar and I did not get along at all when we first met, I wanted to get along with him because he meant so much to my sister. I guess what finally helped us get along was when Reed joined the Army. Omar was so helpful and patient with me when I grew frustrated with the quirks of the Army and when I had questions. There have been so many times in the last year that I would have given anything to be able to talk to him. Anyways, once Reed left I started getting back into my life routine without my husband. Things were trucking along until June 13, that day has been seared into my mind and I can't forget it as hard as I try. I was working in the general surgery office and had left my phone on my desk while I checked in our morning patients. When I went back to my desk between patients and checked my phone I had something like 7 missed calls from Afghanistan and a message from my husband. He had been in an accident, but was ok. I felt like my world had fallen apart. Was he really ok or was he just saying that to keep me from stressing out? However, I had to continue checking in patients and have faith that if something was terribly wrong I would be told. I was finally able to talk to him and he did assure me that he was fine. He said that he was going to the hospital at the airfield but was fine. Turns out he was ok, the rear detachment captain called me that night to inform me of his injuries and was very kind in answering my questions. After that I because an anxious mess. I stopped sleeping through the night and would wake up at least once to see if I had heard from him because my night is his day. Finally mid-tour leave arrived! The two weeks I'd been dreaming of since April. We met in Lubbock for leave and had an amazing two weeks. We really loved hanging out with family and meeting Preston. Then off to Afghanistan he went and back to Alaska I went. Christmas was hard for me. I've never been so alone on my favorite holiday. We have about 4 months left of being half a world apart and I cannot wait until he comes home. There have been some benefits of his deployment though. We have had some amazing conversations about the different cultures of the world and have decided that one day we would love to travel to an underprivileged country somewhere and help the people there. Reed has developed a love for the people that live around him, other soldiers he has met from other countries. He is one of the only American soldiers that doesn't think he is above everyone else. His eyes have been opened to how the rest of the world lives and through his pictures he has opened my eyes and for that we are both thankful. The other benefit to come out of the deployment is that I have finally gotten the chance to make a lifestyle change that I have always wanted and to learn new hobbies. I have developed a love for knitting and the gym. Also during leave we started running and although I ended up with a stress fracture in my foot we are looking forward to doing some of the 5K's and maybe even a 10K this summer. I guess that pretty much sums up 2011 for the Ward's.

Random Thoughts...

Recently Reed and I have had some amazing discussions and the recent news stories have sparked something in my mind and I must get out what's inside. I don't care if anyone reads it, I just have to get it out.

Lets start with Muslims and people of Arab descent. Right now my husband is over fighting a war and risking his life because of the actions of a group of radical Muslims. We have had many discussions recently about how people treat Muslims and Arabs in this country. It's awful. Just because of a group of radicals Americans have decided that all Middle Easterners are bad people and don't deserve to live. I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say that we need to just bring all the soldiers home and nuke both countries. How naive is that? First of all , not everyone over there is bad. Saying that all Middle-Easterners are bad because of this group of people is like saying that all Americans are bad because of one of the many gangs or saying all Christians are bad because of Westboro Baptist Church. Secondly, nuking those countries are not going to get rid of the evil we are fighting. In fact many believe that the radical groups have moved out of the two countries that we are currently fighting in. Plus killing evil with evil will never solve anything. We have seen this over and over again in the history of the world. Also, do we so easily forget the other evils of the world, like the shoe bomber. He was from England and was African American; he was a radical Muslim and didn't fit the "typical profile." Does that mean that we now have to hate anyone that's not "American" and who isn't white? Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than to have my husband and all the other soldiers home. I have felt the pain the worse causes, the sadness of losing a close friend to the war and the fear of someone knocking on the door to tell me I'm now a widow. Last I checked America was a place where people were welcomed and allowed a freedom of religion. As long as they are not breaking any of the laws of the country I don't see what the problem is.

My next thoughts center around the video that was released this week of the Texas judge beating his daughter. I watched the video and it broke my heart. How can a person do that to their own flesh and blood? I know that I'm not a parent yet and so many people say that I have no right to say anything about disciplining children. I, however, have been a child, and I also have been around many different children and have seen many different types of discipline. Reed and I have discussed disciplining our children especially now that we are ready to start having our own kids. I must say I an totally against spanking children. As their mother I am supposed to be the person that loves, nurtures, and encourages them. I'm not supposed to be the person that causes them pain, in face I'm supposed to protect them from pain. However, if I spank them am I not doing the opposite? When I brought this though up before people have compared us spanking our kids to our kids touching a hot stove. I do not see that as the same thing. When a kid touches the hot stove they connect the two events and their actions directly cause the stove and every time they touch it they get the same results. When we spank the kids their actions do not directly cause the pain of spanking. Instead they do something, we get upset and then cause them pain. We have discussed this and both feel like some sort of constructive discipline is better for our kids. Constructive discipline simply means that the discipline somehow teaches the children why what they did was wrong. For example if they disrespect their elders then their punishment would somehow teach them why respecting their elders are so important. I also believe that calmly talking to children works better than yelling or threatening them every time. Anyways, back to the video. I can't imagine how that girls parents thought they were showing her their love by beating her with a belt. Also what could she possibly have learned from that experience except fear? There is such a fine line in my opinion between spanking and abuse. How do you know where that line is? How do you make sure that you don't cross it?

So it's been a while

I just realized how long it's been since I actually posted anything here. Honestly not much has happened in our lives. We are over halfway through the year long deployment. I can't wait to have Reed back home and I know that he cant wait to come home. Mid-tour leave is coming up soon. We are both so excited and can't wait to finally be together again. For those who don't know we will be back in Texas. Neither one of us have made any real plans, except that we are flying into Lubbock. Reed will be home for two weeks and I will get there a few days before he gets there and leave a few days later. Alaska is beautiful. The snow has started and we have several inches covering the ground. Everyday I wake up, look outside and am constantly amazed by the beauty that surrounds me. Its amazing to me how much the deployment has strengthened our relationship. We have had lots of struggles and arguments, and I know that we will have more, but overall I feel like we are stronger. In our relationship we have overcome/endured so much, yet right now I feel closer to him than ever. That doesn't make sense, he's on the other side of the world, but it's true. Recently our conversations have taken on a much deeper level than just simple I love you and miss you. Anyways, I seem to be rambling so I'll be done for now and try to post on here more frequently.

Army Life

Being an army wife is so much harder than I ever imagined, but rewarding at the same time. When Reed and I got married we seemed on the fast track to the American dream. We were both working at the hospital. I had just graduated nursing school and he would be graduating at the end of the year. We both had plans of going on a getting our masters degrees and becoming Nurse Practitioners. We thought we had life all figured out. Then in one moment everything changed. Reed was out of nursing school and no longer working at the hospital. Our life seemed to have fallen apart, we had no idea what was next. One day as Reed was taking me to work he told me that he was going to talk to a recruiter about joining the Army. I was blown away...my husband in the Army? It was never something I had wanted. I loved coming home to him everyday and being together. At first I told Reed no way, he couldn't do it. He said that he was going to meet with the recruiter anyways because he was sure that there was no way he could join because of his age and that he was overweight and out of shape. Well, that night at work (and the next several nights) were slow so I had plenty of time to think. The more I thought about it the more the Army made sense. I know that it had always been a dream of his and it seemed like the best option out of the ones that we talked about. Reed and I spent many hours discussing how this decision would affect us and our family and any children we might have. We finally came to the joint decision that this would be best for our family and he signed a contract for 3 years. It's amazing to me how much that decision, that looks so simple from the outside looking in, has changed our lives. On April 25th of last year I kissed my husband good bye and sent him off to basic training in Georgia. At that point that thought that was hard. During basic he was injured and we got to spend the month of July together. He was a different man at that point. I could see in him a new kind of confidence and pride for making it through the first 9 weeks. In August I shipped him back to Georgia and thought I would be headed out there my self in a few months. Well, I never went to Georgia. Reed didn't have an official graduation from basic. They just sent him out on the FTX with a group and when they got back they pulled him out from the group and shipped him to his first duty station. I was devastated. Now my husband was living in Alaska and I was still in Texas...we had an entire country separating us. Plus we had no idea when I would get to join him. It was awful. He arrived in Fairbanks, Alaska at the end of September, and I joined him the first of December. I would not recommend anyone to move from Texas to Alaska in December. It was awful. The day I left Texas it was like 87 and when I got to Fairbanks it was -12. Talk about shock! The first month in Alaska was rough experience. To say it took some getting used to is putting it lightly. However, I have adapted and now I love it here. On April 25th of this year I kissed my husband good bye again, this time sending him off to Afghanistan. That I have to say is honestly the hardest thing I have ever done. I told myself to hold it together for him, but inside I was falling apart. I just wanted 5 more minutes. As I watched him walk away, I kept praying for his commanders to change their mind and give them 5 more minutes. Had I showed him how much he meant to me? Did he know how proud of him I was and how much I loved him? What if I never saw him again? All these thoughts and more were flying around in my head and my heart was heavy. Here we go again...another year apart. As the time for his deployment had drawn nearer and nearer I went though the grieving process actually. I was so angry with him for doing this to our family. We fought almost constantly for about a month it seems. I wondered if our marriage could survive this and how other people had done it. Then I got depressed. I would just start crying about the dumbest little things. How was I gong to survive a year without my husband in Alaska of all places. Finally I accepted that he was going. It wasn't like he wanted to deploy but it was what he was ordered to do and it was what was best for his career. I know that millions of wives have done this before me and millions would do it after me. Reed had accepted his deployment a lot sooner than I did. I guess I didn't really accept it until about a week or so before he left. It was then that I had a comforting peace come over me and I knew that Reed would be ok and our marriage would survive this. I would like to say that it has all been peaches and cream since then, but it hasn't. I've had the normal Army wife nightmares and fears. Reed and I have had to learn what this separation means as far as our relationship goes, which has been tricky. We have had our "discussions," but thankfully we both seem to try to be understanding of the other. Being apart for the majority of the last two years and more apart than together so far in our marriage has definitely helped teach me about myself . I have learned that I am a much stronger person that I ever thought. I never thought I would be able to handle to stresses that come with deployment as well as I have so far. Yes I have had my moments when I have not handled everything that great, but overall I'm doing much better than I thought I would. I miss my husband terribly but I'm not letting that keep me from living my life. I have also learned that you can be 100% committed to a relationship and still be independent. Now I'm not saying that I don't include Reed in things cause I do.What I'm saying is that I don't need him here to function. I love having him here, and we have so much fun together, but I'm not going to put my life on hold because he isn't here. I have to say too that I love the Army family. While I have not met many other wives the ones that I have met are amazing. I have seen how we all band together when bad news comes. I know first hand  that if you ever need someone all you have to do is pick up the phone and call a fellow Army wife. We are there for each other all the time. It is comforting because try as they might people who are not in the Army/have not experienced Army life first hand don't get it. They don't understand what's going on. They try, but this life is something you have to live to understand. I don't mean to offend anyone and I apologize if I do. I want to say thanks to my sister, Heather, Desiree, Toria and Julie for being there for me. You five know what this means and have helped me through so much! Sorry for the lengthy post, it's just that Memorial Day got me thinking. I can't imagine my life any different than it is now. I want to say thanks to Omar for helping me and being there for me so many times in the last year and a half. I miss being able to ask you my questions! When Reed joined the Army, Memorial Day became much more than just a long weekend and a great reason to BBQ. This year he is over in Afghanistan fighting with his buddies (who have become like brothers to him) to maintain the freedom that we enjoy everyday. I had heard that your battle buddies become like family to you but I never realized how true that was. His platoon buddies are his brothers in every sense of the word. Please remember them not only today but every other day of the year. Pray that they stay safe and return home to Alaska in a year!

Insomnia

Tuesday marks 3 weeks since Reed left. I have thoroughly cleaned the entire house. It feels so nice coming home to a clean house, but I sure to miss him. I have never had a problem sleeping....until Reed left for basic that is. When he first left last year I had a small bout of insomnia, but after about a week or so it went away. Well, now the insomnia is back. My body feels tired, but my mind won't let me sleep. I thought insomnia was bad in Lubbock, but it is so much worse here in Alaska. At least in Lubbock it would dark, which seemed to help some, but here is a totally different story. It's almost midnight here and still bright outside. I'm hoping that this bout of insomnia goes away quickly and that I will soon be back into a more normal sleeping pattern without Reed here. I did it before and I know I can do it again....just hopefully it will happen soon! Other than the sleeping issue things have been pretty good since he left. I can't believe it's already been 3 weeks. At times it feels like we just said goodbye a couple days ago, but there are other times when it feels like he has been gone forever. I have gotten a lot of things accomplished around the house in these last three weeks. I was able to talk with Reed this morning. He is doing good; says that they are keeping him very busy over there, but he's doing good.

A time for good-bye

Very early this morning Reed and I said good-bye to each other once again. This time I am sending him off to fight in Afghanistan. All I can do is pray for his safety. Reed has spent many hours in the last several weeks telling about where he is going and what they are doing to help assure me that he will be safe. Words can't describe what it's like kissing the one you love good-bye not only for a year but knowing that they are going to war. I have no idea what the next year entails for us, but I'm confident we'll make it through.

It's been a while...

I tried posting this several weeks ago, but I guess it didn't work so here it is...

So many things have happened since I was last able to post. Since there is so much I'll start with the Reader's Digest version and then go into more depth later. Reed made it home safely the first of March. Then after a change of plans we spent our block leave here in Fairbanks and in Anchorage. Then it was back to work for both of us unfortunately.
I have never been so happy to wake up at 2 am as I was on March 4th! I was up at 2 to go pick up my husband from base finally! It was a long month with him gone. I'm an totally dreading deployment, but know that we can make it through it. Soon after he got home it was my birthday. Reed got me my mixer that I have been dreaming of for years! I have to say...I love it! I really think everyone needs one! My mixer is also different from everyone that I have seen though because it has a clear bowl and not the metal one. That makes it all the more special to me.
Then it was block leave. Unfortunately we spent the first week of our two week leave spending every afternoon on base trying to get his paycheck figured out. Then we headed down to Anchorage. Although I was super excited to see a Target, I was overall disappointed with Anchorage. I don't really know why, I think it's just cause I'm so used to our small town of Fairbanks that Anchorage was too overwhelming for me. Another reason I don't think that I liked it too much is because there were so many things that I wanted to do that were closed for the season. So I'm sure that I will like it better when I go down there this summer. After we got home from Anchorage we started to work on a crazy project of mine. I have wanted to get a shoe bench in our entry way to help contain all our shoes and such and to help it make much more organized. I was going crazy with the unorganized manner of our shoes. After many difficulites we finally finished the bench. It looks so good in our hallway! We then set to a couple of other projects. Reed made me a shoe rack for our closet and I made an end table I think we have learned a new hobby for us to do together. We love working in the garage together.